No more shits to give

I am not looking for pity or sympathy.  I just need to vent and I need to believe that someone, somewhere, might understand.

I think law school was the first mistake, maybe.  It might be that where it all went wrong was in deciding to stay here, I don't know, it hardly matters.  Here I am, ten years latter, alone, broke, and bereft.  Sure, I have some good friends and I have two and a half wonderful little dogs to show for it, but I also have a mountain of debt and no way to pay it back, constant pain, and a failed marriage.  I am trapped in a state I loath because of poverty and ongoing legal nonsense with a roof over my head only at the sufferance of my not-quite-ex-husband.  I want children desperately and I haven't the means nor the capacity to have them.  The man I really love, have loved for longer than I care to think about, is indifferent and I have no place else to go.  My own mother made that clear when I told her my marriage had irrevocably broken down.

Sometimes I think it would have been better if that car accident had been just a little worse, if I had died that day.  Better not just for me but for everyone else who has had to deal with the last five and a half years of crap that followed.  My health won't be getting any better, it has been and will continue to be a constant struggle.  I can't remember things, lose days and weeks, and have to struggle to follow most conversations.  Today I left the oven on for at least three hours after making my breakfast.

There are tiny sparks of hope, but just at this moment it's not enough.  I want my life back.  I want myself back.  I want to go home but there's no home to go to.

I have been trying, am trying, to do better.  To adjust, to find ways to manage.  But I don't know if I can do that alone, and how I can ask anyone to put up with this?  I am frightened and that just makes everything worse.

Some of this, God willing a great deal of it, is drug withdrawals.  In a few weeks my system will be clear of all of the medications and I can get a better sense of where I really am.  Do I think that will change the fundamentals?  No.  But it should help in my ability to cope.  Maybe I will be just clear-headed enough to see a way through.  But for now, I feel trapped and bereft, lost and very much alone.

Pi Blankie

I have decided I like knit blankets.  Something about the weight of them is very soothing.  This one was sort of fun to knit, the flower petals are really pretty and easy to work.  I do wish I had chosen a less variegated yarn but because the pattern itself is so simple they don't compete.

For those interested, the pattern can be found for free on Ravelry.

I think the main thing I would do differently next time is using a regular wool yarn rather than superwash.  Even with an aggressive block, the wool bounced back enough that the increase rows create some funny ruffle effects that I do not find pleasing.  It's worse on the last section, laid out it almost looks like I knitted a ruffle.  Or tried to.  That might just be the nature of Pi shawls, this is (amazingly) the first time I did one so I'm not sure.

Even with this yarn, I kind of wish I had knit a little tighter.  The drape is lovely but I have 2 small dogs who seem to love burrowing under this blanket in particular and they keep snagging things.  It's fixable and not that big a deal but seeing something that took that long to make get snagged is a little traumatizing.

Over an successful project.  It's an easy knit and the end results are quite pretty.  I think done up in a lighter weight yarn (not worsted) this would be a really beautiful shawl.

Lap blanket

My parents live in a fairly rural area of central California.  Not so rural that you can't see the neighbors, but the people around the corner keep sheep and alpacas and up the road is a heard of long horn cattle.  The town is more like a village, and they live in what passes for a suburb.

One of their neighbors, a couple just a few years older than they are, have become good friends, particularly of my dad.  The husband helped quite a lot with my post-wedding brunch, makes amazing cinnamon walnut bread at the holidays, and was just diagnosed with an aggressive form of lung cancer.

There's not much any of us can do to help, he's undergoing treatment and seems to be in good spirits.  But wanting to offer what comfort I can from so far away, I decided to make him a lap quilt he can take with him to his treatments or just use at home.  A good friend of mine and fellow quilter on this side of the country is going through the same thing with her dad, and she very kindly shared some of the scraps from his quilt to supplement what I already had for my project.  We both like the continuity of that, somehow it seems as though they will both benefit from the prayers and well wishes directed at the other.

I decided to keep things fairly simple as I want to get this quilt sent out as quickly as I can.  Starting with a basic strip quilt idea, I added in some scrappy log cabin squares, strewn across a strip ground.  This was my first attempt at log cabin and I think the results were quite good.  They are kind of fun to do to, even though I felt like I was doing a whole lot of ironing.  I went with blue and green batiks for the strips, partly because that's what I had, but they seems like healing, calm colors.  The log cabin squares are done in darker shades with bits of brown thrown in, sort of like stepping stones in a stream.

Today I will quilt and bind the blanket and hopefully be able to get it mailed off by Wednesday.

Hoping for the best

As I mentioned in my last post, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year.  This came after nearly 5 years of unexplained medical issues (one of mt neurologists used the phrase "perplexing constellation of symptoms," not the best thing to hear).  I've had severe migraines, memory loss, tremors, aphasia, fatigue and a marked loss of cognitive function in addition to muscle and joint pains.  Some days are good, some days are bad, most days are some combination of both.

I've been learning to cope with all of this in the last year, trying to adjust to what is my "new normal" and learn how to get the most function out of each day.  I'm making progress, but still have moments where I mourn deeply for what I've lost.  Acceptance is coming in bits, the low times are less frequent, but it's still scary when I have a bad lapse.

To make things even more interesting, I've had consistent issues getting one of my prescriptions refilled in a timely manner for the last 8 months or so.  I've been taking cymbalta since last January, to help with the fibro and hopefully keep all of my symptoms on an even keel.  It mostly works but comes with some less than great side effects and EXTREMELY bad withdrawal problems when I miss or am late on a dose.  Because of this I've made the decision to stop taking this stuff.  I'll be weening off it for the next 6 weeks or so.

So here is where I need some help.  If I am acting flaky or spacey, if I don't follow through on something we talk about, please don't take it personally.  In all likelihood I don't remember the conversation or am having trouble finding my words.  I might act oddly or do some strange things, I assure you it's a lot more disturbing for me than it is for you.  I will eventually be ok, but I might need to be reminded of that and I could probably use a hug.

I just need some extra patience right now and possibly some help operating heavy equipment  :)

Carnival Rides

It's been a mad, crazy year since I last posted.  A lot has changed, mostly for the better, but as with all change it was a rough process.

Shortly after my last post I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  This was good news.  For the last 5 years or so I'd been in pain and having strange neurological symptoms that my doctors just couldn't figure out.  The diagnosis hasn't really changed any of that, except now I am on meds that help regulate and highs and lows a little better.  Getting that sorted out was no picnic, there is a space or about 6 weeks where I remember at most 3 days, the rest is a blur of confusion and not being able to figure out how to work my phone (or anything else for that matter).

In the midst of all that, my marriage finally fell apart and I moved out.  Not an easy thing to do when one can't work, is tripping from medication adjustments, and has no steady income of ones own.  But I'm adjusting and feeling much better and slowly starting to figure things out.

The trick seems to be managing my own expectations, and those of the people around me.  I can't do all the things I used to, most annoyingly I never know from day to do what I will be able to do.  Focusing instead on what I can do and letting the rest go with something like grace is the only way to get through the day.  Explaining all of this to people is the hardest (and most exhausting) part.

One of the better explanations out there is the Spoon Theory.  It works pretty well but I've found a better way for me to explain is to equate my day with a day at the carnival, you know the ones where you get ride tickets?  Usually at these things you can either buy a bunch of ride tickets or an all-access wrist band.  I used to have a wrist band.  Now, I get tickets.  Some tasks take one ticket, some take four.  It take eight or nine just for the basic functions of life, like getting dressed, showered, making meals, etc.  Anything else I do, I have to budget for since I never quite know how many tickets I will get each day.  I have to plan what to do with my "extra" tickets.  Laundry?  That's 3 a load.  Doctors appointment? Groceries?  Anywhere from 2 to 5.  Actually get some paying work done?  The sky is the limit.  Social time?  That all depends on what you want to do.   You can see the problem if I wake up with just 15 tickets for the day.

On the upside, I'm regulating myself better so I don't have such wild swings in energy and pain levels most days.  I'm getting better at maintaining a little bit of energy reserve so I'm not still a mess tomorrow because I overdid it today.  I can plan a little better, and have eliminated a lot of stress and anxiety from my environment.  But the hardest thing, the thing that takes the most tickets, is trying to explain all this to new people or old friends who just don't get it.  It's not that I don't want to go to dinner or play pool, or travel or go dancing, it's just that I don't have enough tickets for that ride today.  I might tomorrow, or I might next week, but I have to plan for it and rest up so I've got the best chance of a nice, thick envelope of tickets that morning.

Wall Hangings

OMG I am cranky.  2014 can, so far at least, go to hell.  It seems like things have not been going to great for much of anyone in my little circle of friends.  Sure, on a small scale there are plenty of nice things but we've had far more than our share of death, cancer, and other miserable chronic illness to deal with.  So, 2014, enough already!  We are done.  It's time to get with some nice weather, and give it a rest already.

On a personal front, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last month.  This was actually *good* news, as I've been dealing with a whole range of stupid, annoying, painful and sometimes scary and terrifying symptoms which have been getting steadily worse and more numerous for the last 4 or 5 years that no one has been able to explain.  Finally after much poking, prodding, and inconclusive tests, my neurologist asked if we had talked about fibro.  I just about started to cry, I was so happy so finally have a test come back positive.  Not that I am glad that I have an incurable condition with no known cause that many people don't even believe exists, but at least I now know what's wrong with me, and there are things I can do to make it easier to cope with.  It's a relief in a really strange way.  Yeah, I still feel like somehow has been beating me with a stick most of the time, my head still hurts most days, I still talk like a Muppet or Kryton from Red Dwarf sometimes, and I can't remember the names of things, but at least I know why.  And I know that whatever it is isn't going to kill me.

Somehow in the midst of all this I am still managing to get my creative on, and that is a good thing.  Probably a better thing than ever, at least according to my therapist.  It's harder to make the kind of progress on anything than I would like most days (especially since it's been so cold lately), but I did manage to get two wall hanging quilts done so far this year.  The first I did for February, and actually finished about a month ago but somehow failed to post pictures off.  I cut out the hearts using my new Go! cutter, which I love.  The applique was fairly easy, but I still a ways to go before I want to do that on a quilt that will get a lot of wear.  All of the materials for this came out of my scrap bin.  I'm very pleased with the results, it's bright and cheerful but still modern and young looking.

The second quilt is based on the one of the wall hangings from Vintage Quilt Revival: 22 Modern Designs from Classic Blocks .  I love, love LOVE this book!  So many wonderful ideas!  Once again, I used the Go! cutter to so do all the HST's.  Probably this was not a great idea, even though my GAWD it was quick to cut them out, but it turns out that it cuts them with the bias going the wrong way, so when I sewed everything together I ended up with the bias edges on the short ends of the triangles.  Maybe this really does not matter, I don't know.  I think I'm going to try doing a couple of sampler blocks with the cutter and see what went wonky.  Really the main problem I had was getting the corners to line up and things pulling strangely at the intersections, but there are some other things I might be able to do to fix that.  We shall see.

Other than the cutting, I am pretty pleased with this.  The black and white prints are prints I stamped myself, so I wanted to show them off with some nice, bright semi-solids.  I was amazed at what a difference using the lighter color binding made.  It toned down the whole thing.  I also had a lot of fun with the actual quilting, using a sprial design on the black and which sections and inset squares on the colored blocks.

Wild Things Kindle Cover

My all time favorite book ever is Where the Wild Things Are.  Hand down, it's the best.  Ok, it's 17 pages long or so, and mostly pictures, but I love it dearly, have done so since I was three, and I don't think that will ever change.

Imagine then my joy and delight when I found Wild Things fabric at the Crap and Alleged Fabric Store over the holidays!  Usually they have a lot of licensed stuff of rather questionable quality, but this was not only my favorite characters ever, but actually pretty nice fabric!  Yay!  I got enough to do a quilt, which I will get started on sooner or later, and there was a remnant of one of the prints which I have made a new cover for my kindle out of.  The cloud print is from Debby Mumm and sort of goes perfectly.  I will eventually add a button to the cover as soon as I find the perfect Max crown button.

Sewing the case was quite easy.  The pattern is from Whislepig Creek, who (which? beats me) carries patterns for all kinds of different e-readers. I followed the directions for this one, using Peltex for the inside, but I think if I do this again I will use plastic canvas for the stiffener.  I like a trimmer, more tailored looking cover.  I'll need to change how the thing goes together just a little it to get the canvas to work right but that should be simple enough.  Overall I am very happy with this, it makes me smile and that's the main thing.

Little Dogs Strip Quilt

This quilt was so super easy to make it's almost embarrassing, but I am very pleased with how it turned out.  The colors are so cheerful and happy, it's the perfect thing to cuddle up under on all these miserable, cold grey days we've been having!

I did this one twin sized, which I find I much prefer to the standard throw sized quilts.  Maybe that's because I'm on the tall side, or maybe it's because my two little dogs are blanket hogs, but we just don't fit too well under the throws.  I also used wool batting with this one which makes a huge difference in the warmth.  It's actually warm!  I think going forward I will stick with either wool batting or flannel backing, probably not both, but I don't find the cotton batting to be warm enough.  Nice for a summer quilt but even them I get shilled very easily so something a bit warmer would be nice.

The best part about this quilt is the back.  I tried piecing the back (well, part of it anyway) out of scraps for the first time and I am really happy with how it came out.  It's so cute I can flip the whole thing over for a different look if I get tired of the wild pink.  The whole project took a weekend.  Overall, a big success!  The dogs are happy with it too!

Dresden Plates, a modern take

Of all the crafts I do (most of which I write about over on my other blog), the one thing I do that is just for myself and my own enjoyment is quilting.  I don't have to please anyone but me with my quilts, and this is a joy that I have lost hold of in the last few years.  This fall, I connected with a new friend who is an avid quilter and rediscovered the joy of creating something just for the joy of it.  Making something to please myself, exploring my own sense of color, design and texture without a care for anyone's approval is deeply satisfying.

One of things I really enjoy about quilting in particular is the blend of very old, traditional patterns with new, modern sensibilities.  Exploring that idea, I came up with this take on the traditional Dresden Plate quilt.  Using scrapes of fabric left over from a range of projects, I made a series of Dresden Plates and arranged them asymmetrically to give the feeling that they were slipping off the quilt.  I had a lot of fun working out the quilting pattern itself, following the lines produced by the plates themselves, and interlacing them where the plate rays overlapped.

I am very pleased with the results.  The quilt is pretty, and with a nice flannel back it's a warm, snugly blanket to curl up under on cold afternoons with a book and a cup of tea.

Design wise, this is the most complex quilt I have done to date.  Making the plates was not difficult, but required more precision than any of my other quilts, and I also had to applique them in plate which I had not done before.  None of this was difficult but it was advanced than anything else I've done so far.  I am particularly happy about having used up so many scrapes, both for the plates and for the binding.

Panic and the Never-ending Socks

Panic attacks suck.  There are certain things I really need to get done that send me over the edge every time I even think about them.  Remembering what I need to accomplish in a given day is hard enough as it is without those tasks sending me running for cover under the nearest quilt.  So I get behind, and that makes the whole situation worse, adding one more thing to the list of things I can't stand to think about.

Thank God for Xanax.

I have been getting some knitting done, and finally finished a pair of lace tabi socks that I started in 2008.  Only 4 years to knit a pair of socks!  That's actually pretty good for me, socks are not my favorite thing to knit and I will do just about anything to avoid knitting the second sock.  Sadly, most people like wearing socks that match (I do to if I am being perfectly honest about it), so my one-sock knitting thing isn't very useful.  At least I got this set done.  The second sock is a tad looser than the first, but I think it will be ok once I wash them.  I'm quite happy with how they came out and am looking forward to wearing them with my flip-flops on my way to aikido.

Since I managed to finish this pair of socks, I started another in a fit of irrational sock-optimism.  I had gotten the yarn for this pair in 2005, possibly earlier, and I meant to knit them for my then-SIL.  That relationship broke down, so the project languished.  I've got one done and just finished the patterned cuff for the second, so I have some hope that I might actually get them done before the moths get to the first sock.  The color (pink!) is fun and the cuff bit was interesting to knit and very cute, which seems to be keeping my interest.

Next up will be sweaters for the fall and winter!  Sales and sewing orders are starting to pick up, which means I will have less time for knitting but if I start now I should finish one or maybe two before the holidays.  So far this year I have no major holiday knitting planned, which is sort of nice.  There are a couple of sewing projects, which I really need to start now.  If business it like it was last holiday season I won't have much time to work on anything for myself after the end of October.  Here's hoping!

Quilts!

I've taken up quilting in the last year or so, because I really need another craft in my life.  It's actually sort of fun, and I have a lot of scrap fabric that I can't use for costumes or much of anything else.  Using it for quilts, I feel like I'm being a good hippie and reducing trash.  Of course, I also end up buying a lot of quilting fabrics but I was doing that anyway, I just didn't have much to do with the fabrics I was getting.

Anyway, the first real quilt I did was a gift for my brother last year.  This summer, I finished #2 and #3.  I'm quite pleased with how they turned out, though I need to get better at the machine quilting part of the process.  Trying to wrangle a 70 inch square quilt through my machine is tricky and I ended up with some funny little bubbles on the backside.  Using the walking foot on my machine helped a lot, I suspect the rest is just a matter of practice.

The first quilt is lap or throw sized, I didn't really bother to measure it but I think it's about 50x60 or so.  The whole thing is done in nice cozy flannel, so it's very soft and will be great this winter.  The dog loves it already.  The piecing was easy, but for some reason the the boarders at the top and bottom get a little stretched out so they don't lay right.  I think the flannel may have stretched some when I was piecing it and I didn't really notice until I was doing the quilting.  The whole thing is scribble quilted, which was fun to do and worked well except for where the boarders didn't fit right and in one spot towards the end where things puckered.


The second quilt was even easier to piece, though the way the pattern was written a lot of waste was produced.  This made me upset, but the end result is nice so I can sort of let it go.  All of the fabrics are Asian-inspired prints I've been collecting over the last year or so.  The whole thing sort of reminds me of the trip I took to Kyoto in 2008.  I wasn't sure about the colors and prints together, but in the end it looks pretty and I'm very pleased with it.  For the actual quilting, I just stitched in the ditch, which created a really nice diamond pattern on the back.  The whole thing is a 70 inch square and I wasn't feeling comfortable with my quilt-wrestling skills to try free motion quilting on this.

Now that these two are done, I'm working a smaller piece that's based on a shoji screen quilt I saw I one of the local fabric stores.  It's going to be a gift for a good friend who just bought her first home.  The top is all put together, I just need to decided on a backing and do the quilting.  Because the colors are so high-contrast I'm having a hard time deciding how to quilt it.  I think I may try some of the invisible filament thread they have now and do free motion scribbling on it.  We'll see.  I'll post pictures one it's done and sent off.

She's back!

Ok, really I never left exactly, I did start a new blog to chronicle my fiber adventures in the SCA and I've had several major attacks of life since my last post.  Lately though I've felt like I needed to chronicle some of my other crafty projects that don't fit into my other blog, and to rant about the rest of life.

Life has been interesting since last I wrote.  I graduated from law school, got engaged, had an excellent post-grad fellowship, passed the bar, found a job doing something I like, got married, lost the job, and got in a major car accident.  That accident has changed my life more than anything I've ever done.  I have major migraine problems as a result and needed hip surgery last year to repair the labrum in my right hip which was only partially successful in eliminating my pain.  I can't work as a lawyer (or much of anything else) because of the headaches and resulting problems with confusion, anxiety and memory so I started a small business making knitting needle cases and bags as well as designing knitting patterns.

Thing are rough.  Married life is not much of a consolation.  It's given me a roof and keeps food on the table, but not much else.  Most days I feel like a glorified housekeeper.  I've found it difficult if not impossible to write for the last couple of years, which is one reason why this blog fell by the wayside.  So has my personal journal.  That has always been a source of comfort and a way for me to process things, be they events in my day or my sometimes confused emotions.  I feel stuck and stopped up and I'm sick of feeling that way.  Hopefully reviving this blog will help with that, if I have to write about something maybe I can start to write for myself again too and figure out what to do with my life.  Again.

The Fiber Diet

After some consideration and picking at the skeins, I think 4 more of the skeins I washed on the 4th are a loss. 16oz of potluck roving in a really interesting coral sort of color, probably gone. Sigh. That's nearly 2 pounds of fiber I spun and cannot use. I found that Paradise Fibers still has the shetland in the same color, and some similar silk and merino blends. Nothing quite like the potluck, but there were a couple of things on there that might be a good replacement, plus they have gotland at a really good price (that's the fiber they used for the Lord of Rings movies), and the LYM would probably love to have a Frodo scarf made out of that.

I speak of replacement fibers for one very good reason...all of these skeins were destined for Christmas gifts, except the shetland, and I'm supposed to be on a fiber diet for the year. After going through my (thankfully diminished) fiber stash last night, I don't have suitable replacements for the potluck or the silk and merino blend, and nothing I can approximate the shetland with. Yes, I have plenty of actual yarn, but again not in the right colors or weights for the people I had in mind. So what to do? Is this little washing machine disaster a good enough reason to break my no-fiber vow, at least to the extent that I would be replacing fibers, not actually buying new ones to add to the stash?

Fiber disaster!

It's amazing really, I've been spinning for years and yesterday was the first major spinnig related disaster to strike. And given that I'm a huge klutz, this is kind of a miracle.

Anyway...I coulnd't sleep yesterday so I got up at 5 in the morning and decided to wind off all the yarn I had sitting on bobbins. 16 skeins of yarn, all spun up since the start of the year. Then I decided to wash the yarn to set the twist. I put everything in wash bugs, dropped in the landry machine to soak, and walk away, only to discover 10 minutes later that we have the only washing machine on the planet with a soak setting that....agitates.

WTF?!

In what reality does the soak setting agitate?! Really?

So now I have 16 skeins of felt. Well...actually...only 3 skeins are totally hopeless. Tragically, two of them are/were beautiful laceweight shetland I had planned to make a Faroese shawl out of. Four of skeins may be salvagae if I can pick the strands apaart. The rest of them had just enough alpaca or whatever else blended in that while they did felt, it's still useable yarn.

Suprisinly, I wasn't all that upset about the whole sad situation. Disappointed, yes, but remarkably calm all things considered.

My gardening didn't actually go a whole lot better. I got the stupid box hedges out, then we tackeld the awful 8 foot phalluc holly bush. The stump is still in the hole and the flower bed looks like a minuature mine fleid. You know, like gnomes had a trench war or something. Hopefully I can get the rootball hacked up enough that we can get the damn thing out of the hole. I have a bunch of realy lovely plants to put in, and I want to get to the fun part!

Pantyhose rant

This is random but I hate, I mean HATE pantyhose. Especially the cheap-ass pathetic excuse for pantyhose sold at Target. Seriously. $6 and you can maybe get two wearings out of them before they shred. Not run. Shred. I know I'm not exactly Kate Moss but really, there's not that much friction going on that these things would shred the second or third time out.

If only I could really be a hippie lawyer like the LYM says I am and stop shaving my legs and wear Birks to work...and maybe also get in around 9:30 instead of 8...

Oh so lazy!

So I have been quiet for way too long. At least the last 4 weeks (ack) of that was not entirely my fault, stupid Cox locked out my web account right after I moved and won't unlock the user name so I had to move to blogspot. Which is probably easier anyway and has prompted me to change my template and all, but still, it's annoying. Having to remember which webrings I was in and find the code for them in a huge pain. At least I think I have that all saved on my machine at home.

Anyway, things are going pretty well. The LYM and I seen to have gotten pretty well adjusted to the cohabitation thing, the animals are mostly ok with each other, and the house is starting to look pretty well pulled together with all of our stuff in it.

I've even been knitting away on my UFO's! I've got about half a sleeve and a roll down collar left on the brown cabled sweater I started last summer and about 3 inches of cuff left on the first of my Liberty socks (Liberty because I got the yarn on sale at Liberty of London when I was there in 1997). In going through the pile of UFO's I did discover that the cat had chewed on a lace bed jacket I'd been working on. Unfortunately the chew holes were all over the place and too numerous to patch, so I scraped the 4 inches I had done. It was only 4 inches of knitting so I think there's enough yarn still to start over with the same project, especially since once I pulled the needles out I discovered the thing was WAAAY too big. We'll see, I might end up using a whole different pattern, there was a really cute kimono jacket in the spring KnitScnene I'd like to make and I think this yarn will work. It'll be a little lighter and more open that would be nice for a light spring/summer wrap.

I promise pictures will be forthcoming! I'm spending tomorrow knitting and gardening and grilling tri-tip (apparently a CA phenomenon that can only be found at Trader Joe's out here)and hopefully starting my first real bonsai project.

News updates

The latest news is that I am currently moving in with the LYM and will be starting a *paid* internship at an actual law firm tomorrow morning. Hurray!

Trying to get the dog and cat to live together in something approaching peace has been no picnic. The cat is still hissing at the dog when he gets too close to her, and the dog is still eating the cat's food, which pisses the cat off to no end, but mostly I think I'm more stressed about the whole situation then they are at this point. Once the cat stops crying in the morning we should have some measure of peace in the house and all will be well.

Aside from moving and trying to keep the cat and dog in line, I've not been up to a whole lot since school got finished. There's been quite a bit of spinning, some knitting, and generally loafing around and relaxing, which I desperately needed. Between than and aikido, kendo and iaido I've been keeping myself pretty busy. All in all, things are looking up and going well, and I am remarkably calm all things considered.

Now I must get back to unpacking. I brought over all my bathroom stuff and I have no idea where to put it all. The master bath is tiny (like a postage stamp tiny, smallest bathroom I have ever seen in all my life. I think the potty closet in my old apartment in San Francisco was bigger than this whole stupid "master" bath), and there isn't much storage space in the other bathroom either so my collection of bath products looks even more absurd than it really is. I'll figure it out. Creative storage is always fun.

What can you do?

Well...I'm two hours away from my 3rd exam and for some reason all I really want to do is knit. Or at least play with yarn. I started a washcloth last night and I really just want to finish it. I'm using Crystal Palace chenille and the star shaped dishcloth pattern from Mason-Dixon Knitting (which you can get here). So far so good, I did have to frog back the first couple of inches when I realized my gauge was waaaaay off and I needed to use size 6 needles instead of 8. The smaller needles made the chenille much easier to deal with too, so it's going pretty fast now. It might also help that I went from using Addi's to bamboo. I'm the only person I know who slows down with Addi's. They hurt my hands for some reason. I'll stick with my nice bamboo, wood and Denise needles thanks.

Anyway, no luck so far on the job search. All career services had to suggest was calling around to public defenders and judges and offering to work for free. Which isn't really going to work, I have to pay rent and eat somehow. I've pretty accepted that I will be losing my apartment and putting most of my stuff in storage. Where I go from there is anyone's guess. I guess it depends on where/if I can find some sort of work, what it pays, and whether or not the LYM decides shacking up is a good plan or not. We both want to live together, we practically do anyway, but neither of us wants me to move in because I have no choice. Hopefully we can work something out, and I won't have to pack my cat up in the car and drive back to CA for the summer to crash with the 'rents.

Edited to add a link to this amazing site where you can get hand-blown glass drop spindles and some really amazing glass knitting needles. *lust*

A sick joke?

Nope, just my life. My first final is Thursday. This morning I found out my summer job plans have fallen through. Yesterday I found out my car needs about $800 worth of work to pass state inspection.

No job, no car (well, ok, the car will be back sooner or later but still), and impending brokeness. Great.

Why do these things always seem to happen around finals?

How am I supposed to find a job now, when everyone who wanted to hire pretty much did that two months ago, and I have exams to deal with? Please. Enough already!!

Now I shall return to my outlines in the hope that I can salvage my sad GPA and thereby my career...

I'm ok!

Just that time of year...

Aside from finals starting next week (the first is on Thursday, a week from today, arrggg!!), life is good. Stuff is going really insanely well with the LYM, I got promoted again in aikido, the weather is getting nice, and I got to re-landscape a whole flowerbed last weekend at the LYM's house. Digging up over a ton of rocks was way too much work (someone had put down landscaping rocks as a ground cover, then covered the rocks with a 3 inch layer of mulch. WTF?!), but it was good to get outside and do something other than read for part of the weekend. I needed that. And for some reason I find digging in the earth very relaxing and comforting. I love the feel of well-tilled (and relatively rock free) soil in my hands as I plant things.

I did manage to re-injure my thumb last week, which made the gardening slow and somewhat painful, and has slowed me down a lot. Stupid thumb. I'm back in a splint for the next two weeks at least, which is annoying to say the least. At least all I have to do is study, so that's something. It just gets hot with this thing stuck to my hand and wrist all day long.

I'll post more when I can, for now it's off to my internship and then class, then aikido. Crazy days.