So many things have changed in the last few months. I've gotten a job, found new housemates twice over, and most importantly found a direction. I have a goal, I have income, and in spite of the uncertainty about which law school I will attend and how long my contract job will last, I feel as though I am moving in the right direction. At last, I have choices! And I have found a certain level of peace with those things I cannot control.
I think I may have rediscovered an old love as well, which is a strange and lovely thing. He has appalling table manners, talks to loud, and makes questionable fashion choices, but he makes me laugh, makes me feel lovely and safe, and I think I love him. Somehow, after years of indecision and confusion, this thing finally seems to be moving towards some kind of resolution. Which is a good thing. I will be leaving soon to start law school. Whether than means leaving the state or not, I will be in no state to maintain ambiguous and confusing relationships.
In some ways I feel as though I am preparing myself to go over the top. I honestly don't know how I will come back, but I feel as though I must prepare myself for a clean and clear break. I am starting over. This is the time to tie up lose ends, resolve unanswered questions, purge myself of unnecessary attachments.
My knitting, spinning, weaving, sewing, brewing and cooking carry on. The give me a sense of stability, continuity, safety really. I know I can keep myself and those I love warm. I am in a major Weight Watchers related slump. Last time I weighted in (2 weeks ago now, very naughty), I had 14 pounds more to go. I want it gone, I just need to find my focus again. With all of the stress of the last few months, it's amazing I haven't gained everything back. Maintaining is an accomplishment. Now that I am working, I just need to focus on my goal, and allow myself to adapt to a new schedule and new environment. Easier said than done, but I know I have what I need to make it all happen.
