I have been offered a role, other than Mrs. Gaskell, at Dickens that I have wanted to play for years (Bella Wilfer from Our Mutual Friend). It's actually rather exciting to get the chance to do this part, but I am torn. Part of me is reticent because I feel like I'm being asked to do this only because I have lost all that weight, but that seems like a really stupid reason to turn down an opportunity to do something I've wanted to do for a long time. I won't be able to play one of Dickens's sweet young things (ok, Bella Wilfer is hardly sweet, but she is young and pretty and turns out well in the end), for very much longer, and I can do Mrs. G until I'm 73 if I want too, but I don't want to abandon the cast I've been working with either. Ack. What to do?
Tuesday was a total sewing waste, but I did get the corset finished last night. It is, sadly, a bit small. I think I figured out how to make it bigger around the waist next time, but I really don't want to make a 3rd corset right now. Of course, it's brand new and has to get broken in a bit, so it'll probably be fine once I wear it for awhile. It should be ok, and I can always wear the other corset that I have if this one is too unbearable. At least it's pretty. I'm going to try to photograph it tonight.
Tonight I'm going to tackle the blue tail bodice and at least get it cut out. I should be able to do the hem on the skirt and sew the bodice together tomorrow, which will leave me in pretty good shape coming in to the weekend.
The weekend. Eep. If I decide to take this part, I'm going to have to go to workshops Saturday afternoon which kind of sucks, as it will cut dramatically in to my sewing time. At least I'll get to the see the boy if I do that. I'm feeling very uneasy there actually, this whole undefined thing is just not something I can cope with all that well, especially just at the moment. I can't decide if I'm afraid to trust him because of my own issues or because of his past behavior. It's probably a combination of both, but I still don't really know what to do about it. Part of me feels like he's ashamed of me or doesn't want his friends to know there's something going on here, and I'm not really the sort of person to deal well with being relegated to the shadows, but maybe I'm just being paranoid? Or insane as a result of lack of sleep? Or having really bad PMS? God knows. The whole situation is a little absurd. It all feels so good and right when we're together, it's just the times when we're not that drive me nuts. I hate being all insecure and confused.
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