Serious funk

Still no news about the job. This is annoying. If I am going to go to VA, I need to be ready to go in 6 weeks. So do I just say to hell with this and go? Or hold out for another week and see? Part of me feels like I'd be running from something if I were go now. I just which I had some idea which set of wrong reasons was the best one. Or least wrong, or whatever. I hardly understand my own thinking on any of this right now, how can I hope to explain it to anyone else?

I miss M. More than I am really willing admit to myself too. There are things about my life I really want for him to understand, I don't know why it matters to me at this point, but it does. He seems to have little or no interest in making time to know these things, unless he's just busy or something. He seemed really nervous and uncomfortable the other day when we were talking (after he gave me a pair of boxer shorts, which is just a strange thing to give a woman after you dump her if you ask me). I have no idea what that's all about, but I'm really trying to not think about it. Thinking about it won't get me anywhere.

Anyway...tomorrow I'm off to Napa with a new friend for wine tasting and a nice dinner. It should be fun. I'm actually quite looking forward to it. I love it up there, and I always feel much better about life when I come back, even if I was only gone for the day. Sunday I'm supposed to drink beer and play Grand Theft Auto with some of the guys from work, which should be a good time. I love GTA. Nothing like it for getting the aggression issues worked out.

I've decided to make my future sister-in-law and Orenburg shawl as a wedding gift. I did one for my mom last year, which she loves, so it should be a good gift. Plus she can use it at the wedding if she wants to. I've ordered yarn from Handpaintedyarn.com. One of the women in my knitting group was working with some of their lace weight wool, and it's really lovely. I got it in natural, and ordered the Damask Rose for something for myself. Probably the rose will turn into a lace shrug I can wear at the wedding myself. Once the yarn gets here, I can start swatching. In the mean time, I'm working on my silly pink cardigan from White Lies (pictures soon) and coming up with design ideas for the shawl. I know I want to use a linked hearts border, but aside from that I have no idea what stitch patterns I'm going to use. Maybe something with large diamonds like I did for my mom, or a bunch of nested border sections...