Not much to report

Just a quick update to say I have no real updates. Things are chugging along, I still lack motivation as far as school goes. I really hate school actually, but that's ok. It'll get better, or end, sooner or later. At least I got registered for all the classes I wanted next semester, that helps a bit.

I haven't been doing a great deal of knitting. The first front section of the Starburst sweater is done, and I found another mistake in the pattern, but it was easily fixed. They did not have you knit enough rows to fit the back to the front, but that's no big deal to correct.

For some reason, I'm feeling a bit sad today, but in a really oddly bouncy way. I'm sick of being stressed, and it's wearing on me, but I have other things going on now that I am actually excited about and can look forward to. I still have more doubt and confusion that I am comfortable with but at least there are bright spots.

This is very bad

I am totally 100% uninterested in law school right now. Completely over it. I got called on twice last week, and I have no motivation whatsoever to do any my homework this weekend. Which is A Very Bad Thing, seeing as it's Sunday morning and I have not cracked a book since Friday's Criminal Law class.

At least the stupid memo from hell is done. I probably sucked on it, and will likely not get the honors mark in skills this semester as a result, which is unfortunate since that was the one and only bright spot to my otherwise lack-luster performance last semester, but oh hell, I just don't care.

With any luck I'll get re-motivated about all this sometime very soon. If I don't, I kind of screwed, but again with the not much caring.

I wonder what this is all about? It's not so much as total lack of focus as it is my focus is on other things. My love life (now that I have one again, so much for eschewing all men) for one thing, Aikido for another, the whole process of really trying to live again really.

Anyway, must get back to fixing my computer. The LYM helped me scrub it this weekend, so it should be running faster, but I'm still missing some apps and iTunes won't run for some reason which confounds us all. blegh. And I still have to do my homework. Damn it.

Battered and bruised

...but this time in a really good way. I did my first ever Aikido class last night, and man does it ever feel good! I have at least 8 bruises that I've found so far, and I am proud of each and every one of them. I've been running around showing them off like badges of honor. I have another class tomorrow. My arms should be really interesting looking on Friday, although with luck I've worked out how to fall a little better so I'll up with less massive black and blue patches on my forearms. And I've also learned that sports bras with hooks in the back are a Very Bad Idea, so I won't be getting more of the gougey looking marks on my back. At least from that.

Other than Aikido, I have nothing new to report really. School carries on, it's driving me nuts, but hopefully some regular physical activity will help channel the stress someplace else. I've found a Lovely Young Man to keep me company and out of trouble who doesn't mind that I bring my homework and actually work on it when I go visit him for the weekend or make me feel like rubbish about the choices I've made. The cat is doing well. And I woke up this morning, the second day of a spring, to a land covered in snow. Nice. It felt good to go outside after I beating I gave myself last night.

On the knitting front, I resolved the problem with centering on the back of the Starburst Sweater and have started down the first front section. The pattern really does have some problems. I'm trying to keep track of them of all for my final project wrap-up, but at this point, I think if you are not a fairly experienced and fearless sort of knitter, stay far away from this one until they revise it.

My basic philosophy on pattern difficulty is that nothing is insurmountable if approached with courage and confidence. It's not so much as matter of skill as it is a lack of fear. Small children do things well sometimes because they don't know they can't, and knitters can do the same. The best students I ever had approached projects this way, they never asked how hard it was because they chose not to believe they should be intimidated. It's just string and some sticks after all.

However, even the most intrepid knitter is going to have a hard time with this pattern. The comments people have sent me about it only confirm it (two of the most capable and talented knitters I have ever met had a hell of a time figuring it out). It just goes to show the importance of clear instructions and proof-read patterns.

Anyway, enough semi-coherent rambling. I need to go find more ibuprophen and get to Con Law.

Pattern annoyance

I really hate it when patterns are not right, or maybe they are right but if you follow the directions they don't look like the picture. This happened with the Starburt Sweater I am currently working on last night. Finally, I get to the point where I can divide the back (which is worked in the round, from the center out) for the fronts, only to realize that the last 12 rounds of increases have been set to the wrong point in the central lace panel pattern, which resulted in a very off-center looking start thing in the middle of the back. So first I looked at the pattern so see if I was supposed to knit some extra stitches so everything lined up right...nope, it's just missing that step. How annoying. The problem was easily resolved, but I had rip back to the last round of the star part. grr. I guess it just goes to show that if you think it looks wrong or off somehow the first time, it probably is. Go with your gut.

Aside from the funky off-center star thing, I am warming up to the crazy purple color considerably. Now that there is more of it, it's not so scary and bright looking. Not quite sure how that works, but put next to dark jeans or a black skirt, it's quite a reasonable shade. So yay! My adventure into wild (for me) non-earth tones seem to be paying off.

Quote of the day:

"In one way or another I've always suffered. I didn't know why exactly. But I do know that I'm not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I've ever felt and I've found someone to feel with. To play with. To love in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too. And that I want to love him."

I'll leave it you to guess the source/significance...

A few key points

1. I have all but resolved to eschew all men. It's just not worth it to keep getting told that I am using law school "as a bull-shit excuse." My heart is just too broken at this point.
2. Criminal law would be quite entertaining were I able to separate the human reality from the cases at hand.
3. I need to get more sleep if I want the hurting to stop.
4. The schedule is working pretty well, for all that I have not managed to stick with it terribly well this week. At least I know what I need to do and when, that helps, even if I've been doing a lot of shuffling of things and feeling generally crappy this week.
5. Whoever wrote my contract case book is a sadist. They seem to take a perverse pleasure in telling you about the exception to the exception before telling you there even is an exception to the rule you may or may not have been able to gather from any one of the several preceding (and unrelated) cases. Gah. And people wonder why I'm stressed. Please.

How sad

I just got a paper cut...on my NOSE.

that's just sad.

*edited to say it was my contracts casebook that did it. just if you wanted to know.

Schedule for the rest of the semester

* please note that there is some flexibility to this when classes get canceled. Evening hours will be spend socializing, knitting, sleeping, or catching up as needed.

Monday
7:00-7:30 Get Up, shower
7:30-8:00 - Breakfast of yogurt and a latte
8:00-8:15 - Drive to campus and park
8:15 - 10:00 Read Crim Law
10:00 - 11:15 - Contracts Class
11:30-12:20 - Property Class
12:20 - 1:00 - lunch
1:00 - 2:00 - check email, asses schedules, review Con Law
2:00-3:15 - Constitutional Law Class
3:15 - 6:00 - Library to do read Con Law for Tuesday

Tuesday
7:00-7:30 Get Up, shower
7:30-8:00 - Breakfast of yogurt and a latte
8:00-8:15 - Drive to campus and park
8:15 - 10:00 Read Contracts for Wednesday
10:00 - 11:15 - Criminal law Class
11:30-12:30 - Read for Property
12:30 - 1:00 - lunch
1:00 - 2:00 - check email, asses schedules, review Con Law
2:00-3:15 - Constitutional Law Class
3:15 - 4:00 - Library to do read Con Law for Wednesday
4:00-5:30 - Legal Skills
5:30-7:00- Library to finish Con Law for Wednesday

Wednesday
7:00-7:30 Get Up, shower
7:30-8:00 - Breakfast of yogurt and a latte
8:00-8:15 - Drive to campus and park
8:15 - 10:00 Read Crim Law for Friday
10:00 - 11:15 - Contracts Class
11:30-12:20 - Property Class
12:20 - 1:00 - lunch
1:00 - 2:00 - check email, asses schedules, review Con Law
2:00-3:15 - Constitutional Law Class
3:15 - 6:00 - Library to do read Con Law for Thursday

Thursday:
7:00-7:30 Get Up, shower
7:30-8:00 - Breakfast of yogurt and a latte
8:00-8:15 - Drive to campus and park
8:15 - 12:30 - Read for Contracts
12:30 - 1:00 - lunch
1:00 - 2:00 - check email, asses schedules, review Con Law
2:00-3:15 - Constitutional Law Class
3:15 - 6:00 - Library to do read Property

Friday
7:00-7:30 Get Up, shower
7:30-8:00 - Breakfast of yogurt and a latte
8:00-8:15 - Drive to campus and park
8:15 - 10:00 - Read Con Law for Monday
10:00-11:15 - Criminal Law Class
11:15-1:30 - Break, have a good lunch someplace out
1:30-5:30 - Outline for Contracts

Saturday
8:30-9:00 Get up, shower
9:00-9:45 - Breakfast of yogurt and a latte
9:45-10:00 - Drive to campus, park
10:00-12:30 - Outline for Property
12:30-1:30 - Lunch, walk in CW
1:30 - 5:30 - Outline for Criminal Law

Sunday
8:30-9:00 Get up, shower
9:00-9:45 - Breakfast of yogurt and a latte
9:45-10:00 - Drive to campus, park
10:00-12:30 - Outline for Con Law
12:30-1:30 - Lunch, walk in CW
1:30 - 5:30 - Outline for Con Law

More pictures

Going along with the picture theme...

I took these the day it snowed. The cat, Maya, was not impressed.

Finished Objects

Finally, a picture of someting I knit! This is the tweed jacket from KnitScene which I just completed. The sleeves are somewhat short and snug, but I think that is partly becasue I did some significant yarn exchanging and knit them in the round, and directly in to the arm hole. Overall, it's pretty cute, for all that it makes my boobs look massive.



Here is the argyle Christmas sock I did back in December. I am relaly happy with how it came out, but it ended up being too stretchy so I had to felt it a bit. Next time, I will use a much smaller needle. The pattern came from the Interweave Press Christmas socks book, and I knit it with BrownSheep Lambspride.

Can't go home again

This about sums it up for my state of mind of right now:

On Monsieur's Departure
(Elizabeth I)

I grieve and dare not show my discontent,
I love and yet am forced to seem to hate,
I do, yet dare not say I ever meant,
I seem stark mute but inwardly to prate.
I am and not, I freeze and yet am burned.
Since from myself another self I turned.

My care is like my shadow in the sun,
Follows me flying, flies when I pursue it,
Stands and lies by me, doth what I have done.
His too familiar care doth make me rue it.
No means I find to rid him from my breast,
Till by the end of things it be supprest.

Some gentler passion slide into my mind,
For I am soft and made of melting snow;
Or be more cruel, love, and so be kind.
Let me or float or sink, be high or low.
Or let me live with some more sweet content,
Or die and so forget what love ere meant.

On a happier and woolier note...the back of the Starburst Sweater is coming along nicely and I am less offended by the crazy bright purple of it the larger it gets. I think with dark jeans and either a flesh toned or black top underneath, it will be quite reasonable. The yarn is very soft at any rate, and quite nice to work with. If I really can't stand the purple, I could always try to over-dye it with some grey or something. I think my problem is that I tend to gravitate towards more subdued, dusty shades, and this is definantly not that. Also, it isn't quite what I was expecting but that's ok. The odd surprise now and again isn't a bad thing and I'm starting to warm up to it. Funny how that can work sometimes.

Lots of smug-marrieds

Spending a whole week with familial smug-marrieds was probably a bad plan in my current state of mind. Oh well. At least I'm getting this rape and homicide stuff figured out, that has to count for something.

I just wish they would stop asking me about the ex and my love life. This is why I don't bring boys home. For any reason. Ever. What was I thinking?

Oh, yeah...I am/was in love. feh.

Anyway, I finished knitting the little tweed jacket. Today I need to block it out, sew on the buttons, and decide which shoes to wear it with for the luncheon thing I am getting dragged to on Saturday. Hurray for a new jacket thing to wear though!

I think I am going to make the Prairie Tunic from the latest Interweave Knits next. I got some nice red cotton and tencel yarn from KnitPicks to do it with, which I think will make a nice spring/summer top. Either that, or Startburst sweater from KnitPicks. KnitPicks seems to be making me happy these days, they have nice yarns at really good prices, and interesting patterns, plus they ship really quickly. Hurray for KnitPicks! The Starburst Sweater would probably be more useful for the early part of the spring. I ordered the yarn in Iris, and it's way more purple than I had thought it would be, bordering on annoying, but I think once it's knit up it'll be ok. It's just a bit brighter than I normally wear. Branching into other colors might be a good idea though, and the purple/lavender will look good with most anything. I'm trying to resist knitting yet another white or cream colors sweater.

Quick update

I made it back to CA, without any terrible mishaps though I did almost miss my connecting flight in Dallas. For some reason, my flights out of Norfolk are always at least a half hour late, which makes life interesting when you have to make a connecting flight and only had 40 minutes between flights to begin with. But I made it, and the power only went out in the second plane for 5 minutes or so, at we had already landed, so it was ok.

Dad and I spent Saturday with my aunt wandering around SF. I was pretty much half-asleep, but did manage to pick up non-nipple like buttons for my little tweed jacket. Hurray! I love Britex. My button lady (I have a Button Lady, how strange is that?) remembered me and was very helpful and excited about my jacket thing, which was nice.

We ate dinner at my most favorite Italian place in the whole world, and the host was all excited to see me and I think he might have been flirting with me, which is a nice thing actually, he's tall and cute and has a wonderful Italian accent. After that, we went back to my aunts and I passed out at about 7:30, which is just plain sad but probably understandable.

Now I am at home, typing up notes from the reading I did on the plane, and trying not to reflect too much on the life I've left behind. I feel very apart somehow, like I don't really belong here anymore, which would be ok if I felt like I belonged back in Virginia.

Madness!

Ever since I slept through my boarding call back in September and missed my flight home for my brothers wedding, the very idea of having to go the airport and get on a plane fills me panic and dread. Huge cold knots of fear take over my stomach just thinking about it. Somehow, that might flight leaves at 5:30 tonight is no comfort at the moment. As long as I leave here no later than 3 I will be fine, but still, the panic. And what if the plane is late and I miss my connecting flight? I hate air travel. It should not produce this sort of overwhelming anxiety.

At least I am totally packed. I have 2 new knitting projects, one I've had on needles for awhile, and the last sleeve of my tweed jacket to work on over break. I should be able to get the sleeve done on the drive from San Jose to Santa Barbara without any trouble, which means I can focus on fun knitting and new projects after that. Hurray!

Of course, break is mostly going to be about homework and outlining. If I stay focused I should be able to get totally caught up and my outlines up to date by the end of break, which is a very good thing. I'll be a really good position for the last half the semester. I wish I could just take a break though, go to a spa, something, but that will have to wait for the summer or possibly some time after I take the bar...