Perspective?

It's been a rough few weeks. Since I got my Con Law grade last week, early I might add, it's been worse. I had thought, I had pinned so much on, things getting better once exams ended. But somehow getting my grade in that class has thrown me big time. All of the stress and anxiety and pain just isn't worth it if I give it my all and this is all I get.

On the other hand, the stress and pain and anxiety probably had more than a little to do with my less than ideal performance. I can think of a hundred reasons why I have not been performing like I should be, like I expect myself to. But somehow I've lost perspective and I'm having a hard time finding anything that helps. It's just too much. I can't take anymore. I'm broken down and tired and worn out and I can't take anymore.

That being said, my boss found out what's been going on today and seems to think he may be able to find a solution. Which would not involve working for 70 hours a week or debt I cannot hope to repay. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, and trying to let it go and trust in the universe at the same time. I have to learn to let people help me and not let my misplaced sense of pride get in the way. And I have to learn to trust people.

Work is starting to get interesting. I helping design the curriculum for an electronic discovery class. I know nothing about discovery (see how much good my civil procedure class did me last semester?), but I'm excited about this. I should be able to learn a lot. I should also probably enroll in the class, seeing as if I can't get an A in a class I did the materials for...well...that would just be sad.

My other work assignment is figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. This is the far more daunting of the two tasks, especially given that I have a near total lack of confidence in my abilities as a legal professional at this point, but certainly the more important. I just have no idea. I keep thinking of things and then thinking "no, that won't work. My grades are such rubbish, I'll never get a job in that field." Clearly, that must stop. I need a goal, a plan, something, so I can stay on the path.

I have been getting a good amount of knitting done. I finished the Prairie Tunic from the spring IK, and have picked up a lace bed jacket thing I've had on needles for months. I had a bunch of cotton yarn left over from the tunic, so I knitted and crocheted a string bag for myself out of the left over. I love hippie-assed string bags. They are kind of ridiculous, but being out here so far from my hippie-assed roots, I feel a little more at home carying my lunch of my dogi around in one. Plus they make good eco-friendly grocery bags, so yay for me. I have a new commission that I'll be starting on as soon as the yarn gets here too, so there's plenty to keep me busy and out of the cookie jar in the evenings.

Speaking of cookies jars...I've been really trying to focus on my diet and getting back on the WW track. I want to be at my goal when I turn 30 in September. It's pretty easy to not over-eat when you can't go out and grab a burger or whatever junk you want, and I've been making a progress in that area if nothing else. Once I have money again and buy vegetables, it should be ok. I've done this before, I know I have to tools to do it again, I just have to stick to it, believe in myself, and stay focused. All 3 things I've been having a hard time with in other areas of my life, but maybe success in this will help me in other things.