What's left?

I think the last bit of romantic, foolish hope left in me died on my 30th birthday. It's just as well really, it's high time I put away such childish dreams, of a prince charming, of someone coming to the door to surprise me and hold me close. Since then, when no one came, I've been in a strange sort of mourning. It's taken over a year for all that hope to finally die, but it finally has.

Law school, moving out here, has cost me everything. Money is the least of it. The personal and emotional toll, well...there's nothing left. There's no reason to go back, that's been clear to me for some time, and I have nothing here. So what's left? A career path I don't want? More loans? What kind of life is that?

I suppose all that I can do is set aside those childish things I clung to, those hopes and dreams of belonging, and find something else to work for.

No one is coming for me. The sooner I learn to live with that, learn to live truly and utterly alone, the better.

In other news...I finally finished the knit lace collar I've been working on for years. I adapted the pattern from a Norwegian knitting book, and it came out pretty well. If I had it to do again, I would have left out a repeat or two but it will work fine as it is. It will look lovely on my new dress for Dickens.

We had out big Kendo clinic this weekend, which went really well. I still hurt. We did the whole 5 hour clinic using the heavy oak bokuto (or bokken) instead of regular shinai. After the first hour I thought my arm was going to fall off, somehow it didn't though. Talk about pushing past a limit. I did get some sort of ki award, which was nice. It's good to know that Sensei notices how hard people are working. And we got to do some battojutsu, which was very cool. The sword work is a lot of fun. Very intense, but fun too.