Why state the obvious?

So, aside from having nightmares about property interests and defeasance, and getting somewhat annoyed about consideration doctrine in general, school isn't really that bad. It's not easy by any stretch, but I'm feeling pretty ok with myself at this point. We're on fall break this weekend, so I'm spending today and tomorrow working on my outlines for the first half of the semester, and for the most part I feel like I'm starting to see some patterns and direction. All of which are good things.

It's all a matter of staying focused on the process, and not getting too freaked out about my actual grades. That and studiously avoiding the Big Questions, like is this going to cost me my chances of having a family? Will it cost me the people I care about? Will I ever be able to retire? Is this a price I am willing to pay? I've been trying really hard to keep those issues at bay and not freak out about my impending barren spinster-hood, trying not to second-guess myself and every decision that has led me to this point. When I can do that, I can focus and get my work done and feel pretty good about this thing, but when I can't, which has been most of the time recently, it's impossible.

Anyhow, since I got back from my brothers wedding, I've been doing pretty well with Big Question Avoidance, I think seeing my family and spending some time with Someone really helped with that. Those people love me and support me and believe in me, it makes it easier to have confidence and faith in myself in that environment. But yesterday I was talking to a second year student, and he suddenly had this revelation that I would be 32 when I graduated, and had I thought about whether or not I wanted to have a family and if giving that up was something I was willing to do for this? Yeah. Thanks guy, that was really helpful. I really need to hang out with the older women, they don't ask questions like that, they already know the answer (which in most cases isn't an answer at all, and that's why it's such a difficult thing).

So last night was a bit rough, and today has been kind of tenuous. I'm getting a lot done, I have gotten my Civ Pro outline well under way, I have a skeleton for Contracts, and I have a whole day and a half left to work on this, but the panic is there, just on the edge, waiting to pull me into the crazy place if I don't keep a close reign on myself. This is the point at which I start to question and doubt and wonder, and I just haven't got time for that right now.

Maybe I need to go for a walk...