It's been a bad couple of weeks. The closer I get to exams, the less able to cope with life I seem to get. Of course, it hardly helps that I made a gross miscalculation and am now beyond broke. At least I have a couple of leads for an extra part time summer job. Yay for 60 hour weeks all summer, that should be nice and relaxing. It'd be one thing if I'd be making enough to actually save some money, but I have to do that just to subsist. How sad. I hate being poor.
The one thing keeping me sane is the LYM. I'm terribly afraid that he's going to get tired of me and chuck me, but focusing on that just causes me to push him away which means he gets tired of me, and it's a nasty self-fulfilling sort of thing and not good for anyway. So, yeah, stopping that. He seems to have a pretty good understanding of the whole school and money stress situation and the impact that has on me, and is being really supportive and wonderful, so I need to just not worry about it and enjoy it.
I had a really bad night at Aikido last night. My foreword break-falls suck the big one, not for any lack of ability but because of paralytic fear. Which just makes the whole thing hurt more. I think a lot of my life fears are the real problem and not some ingrained fear of falling down. When I get thrown quickly and don't have time to think about it and get all worked up, I'm fine. In fact, I don't even feel it. I don't know what the exact solution is, I guess just keep practicing.
I've found another major problem with the Starburst Sweater. It seems that the collar directions repeat themselves, which will confuse the pants off you if you don't re-read it about 15 times and have a pretty good understanding of how shawl collars are supposed to work in general. I have no idea if the solution I came up with is what they expected, but it seemed to work so I'm going with it. The collar is done, and I'm to the sleeves. So far, no issues with that, but we'll see. I'm looking forward to this being done, hopefully before it warms up and I can't wear it for months.
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