In 18 months and 2 days I will be 30. This is tragic and awful. My mother is picking out flowers and centerpieces for my wedding, I'm turning 30 in 18 months and 2 days, and I feel like milk in the dairy case that is approaching it's expiration day. Will I suddenly go rancid on that awful, black day? Is that what she's worried about? "Never mind the groom honey, lets just get these centerpieces figured out!" I feel like I'm about to be auctioned off to some hypothetical husband. Does she know something I don't know? It's very bizarre.
You would think that having my brothers wedding to work on would have distracted her from me and my looming induction into the old-maid/rancid milk club. But no. Why plan just one wedding when you can do the work for two at once! I wonder if she has the dress picked out too? Why can't she just focus on finding me a nice doctor or something like other mothers do, instead of picking out floral arrangements? I know you have to order orchids 50 years in advance, but I don't even want orchids!
Besides, it seems somehow wrong to get married after my baby brother. Or at lest to have a big over-done meringue of a wedding with 6 foot floral centerpieces. Me and my silly Victorian novels again, but still.
The weekend looms, my official un-birthday is on Sunday, and I think I'm cooking dinner for M. Which should be fun. Since my actual birthday is usually over labor day weekend, and hardly anyone comes to my birthday party (what's up with that? you people show up in droves to other parties, what's the matter with my birthday?), doing something nice on my un-birthday is always a good thing. Not that M knows or cares that it's my un-birthday and that I therefore get to wear a silly party hat and eat cake and turn into the Mad Hatter, but it's still nice.
Ugh. 18 months. And 2 days. What a tragic thing to have thought about this morning.
3 comments:
Your mom SO needs to get a grip. Jayzus!
My 30th is 18 months and 27 days away, and I DON'T CARE.
Hear that, mothers of the world!
I DON'T CARE THAT I WILL TURN 30 SOMEDAY!
Furthermore, I DON'T CARE IF I AM 30, AND UNMARRIED! WOOOOO!
Wait, there's MORE!
I WILL BE HAPPY TO BE OVER 30, UNMARRIED, and WITHOUT CHILDREN!
Perhaps I will even be LIVING IN SIN! I've done it already!
I am such a dangerous, terrible, shameless, naughty HUSSY! I shall run through the streets with my panties on fire, sleeping with any tawdry little thing that takes my fancy, throwing money and caution to the wind, and leaving my family lineage without an HEIR!
Oh WAIT! That's RIGHT, you all FORGOT about this bit... the family name DIES WITH MY GENERATION, because WE ... ARE ... ALL ... WOMEN! YAY WOMEN!
So, even if we DID get married and further overpopulate the Earth, if we did it YOUR WAY, YOU OLD, DUSTY, DRIED UP BIDDIES, the family name would die ANYWAYS!
YEE HAW!
Pardon me, I think my panties are on fire, and I need to find a tawdry little thing to help me put them out.
*beam*
I am the girl your mother warned you about. I am your bad influence. I want you to grow to be even more capable, more proud of yourself and your accomplishments, and more self-sufficient than any respectable, cooks-dinner-for-her-husband-every-night wife should be.
Well, Mom, time for a reality check. You can either listen to your daughter, not your fading hormones and menopause, or you can take my big, hockey-stick Reality Check.
I promise, mine hurts more.
Heh I was thirty 39 months ago (day’s don’t matter any more at /my/ age ;)
Don’t worry about the ‘after your younger brother’ thing. I did the same to my sister both having a kid and getting married (yes, that was the right order) before she did… And she’s ten years older than me!
She’s married with three kids now BTW, and didn’t start until she was just a bit older than I am now :)
Just think of it this way, most of us (my friends that is) who got married younger ended up splitting (we like to call it the ‘trial run marriage’). It wasn’t until later that we started finding the /right/ people and settling down.
You’ll just be one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to go for the trial run :)
I'm sorry I mentioned the 30 thing. Calm down. I can verify that it is not the end of the world from personal experience. :-)
-K
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