Ugh. My head hurts. This is turning into another crazy week at work, and I still can't bring myself to actually check the "yes" box on the letter of intent for William and Mary. At least I managed to not only check the "No thanks" box but also mail the letter back to Santa Clara. That was something.
Anyway, I'm freaking out about this. Why is this so hard? All I have to do is write a couple of letters about fellowships, check a box, and that's it. Decision made, life progressing, time to plan this move thing. It's the box that I can't seem to get past.
I'm scared. Frightened out of my mind actually. It's sad to admit, but there it is. The check box means I'm leaving everyone and everything I know and turning my back on what could have been a really amazing relationship. And for what? Right now a big scary question mark. How much am I really giving up? And do I really want to know the answer to that?
In the mean time, I'm trying to write statements of qualification for a couple of fellowships. How is one supposed to open one of these things? Clearly, "You should give me money becasue I look good in ruffle-butt pants" is right out (Thank you D, for that example).
1 comment:
Sign! Do what you've dreamed of.
Why? This is why:
Life is always full of question marks, just sometimes we're more aware of them.
Every day you choose to cook for yourself, you're not possibly eating out at a new fabulous place, or a crummy rotten place.
Every day you work your current job is a day you're not hunting for a new one, working a different one, etc.
It's *always* scary to move on/up/etc in the world. I've turned my back on 2 serious, thinking-about-getting-married relationships, because in the end they weren't the right thing for me, and the first person you have to be true to is yourself. Sweethearts, lovers, family members, they all have to be true to themselves first too.
Do what is the right thing for YOU, not for anyone else. You're an individual, and a bright, beautiful, fabulous one at that. Let the rest of the world take care of itself. That's it's job.
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