This morning the sky was clear, but for a thin haze in the air that ever so slightly blurred everything, taking away all the sharp edges and jarring colors of my morning walk to MUNI. The fog is on it's way back. I love the morning fog, especially when it's low enough that you can see it swirling around you, winding up your legs. Everything seems very mysterious and quiet with the fog wrapping itself around you like a blanket. If only the day stayed the peaceful...
I can be glad that I at least got status. It's crap status, but it's something I suppose. No news on the real offer for another 2 weeks. WTF? It's just my life that's on hold here, people. The same life that's been on hold, changing directions 180 degrees every 2 or 3 weeks for the last I don't even want to think how long.
I need something stable, that isn't going anywhere, that isn't filled with bad memories. I need to feel *safe,* like the bottom isn't about to drop out on me again. I need to stop spinning around in a 100 different directions.
This all sounds absurdly dramatic...it just seems like everything has been in flux for so long, I don't think I remember what stable and solid ground feels like. Every time I feel like I finally have my feet back under me, that I know where I'm going and what I'm doing, something comes along and *WHAM* I'm spinning around again. I want off this crappy ride!
1 comment:
you could always decide to put your foot down. that's what I did.
that's why I start my new job in San Bruno on May 31.
*hugs*
being in flux sucks. I wholeheartedly agree. If you do decide to put your foot down, remember it's not the stamping of a petulant child. It's the decision of an adult woman.
It will come out OK in the end. Promise.
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