Off Center

Last night I was asleep by 8:30. I woke up briefly to log off the computer and haul myself upstairs, and slept like the dead until 7 this morning. I wish I could say I feel more rested and relaxed for having slept so much, but I don't. I don't exactly feel worse though, so I guess that's something. These exams are really freaking me out a lot more than I want to admit to myself.

Trying to avoid the whole I'm-going-to-fail-and-live-in-a-box-and-freeze thought spiral isn't working out too well, but I'm really trying. It's just exhausting. I know this will get better, exams will be over soon, I'll live through it, and then I'll be home for a few weeks to do nothing but rest and knit. It's just hard to get rid of the niggling fear that I will fail or do really badly and I have no back-up plan, no safety net. If I fail, then what? There's no one to catch me if I fall out here. I'm just stuck and broke and it's really scary.

I have been knitting though. The Charm sweater turned out really well, and got lots of compliments, even though it remains unphotographed. I'm working on a feather-and-fan scarf for my mom for Christmas, using some handspun I had from when I got my drum carder. It's a really fun blend of silk and wools, originally dyed red and purple, but I carded it all together so it's more uniform and tweedy looking. I'm quite happy with it and I think she'll like it. I'm not getting anywhere on the weaving project for my grandma. Mom said she likes blues, but I have no blue yarns in my stash. Part of my doesn't give a rat's ass and wants to just use whatever I have, but there is still a part of me that wants to please her. A futile goal, but there it is. I think I'll just pack up whatever I have and work on that the first week of break. I can do the machine sewing part at mom and dad's, or just handsew the back of the pillow on, or I could crochet it together, that might look neat. We'll see.

Must get back to torts. We're reading about proximate cause. Anything with the phrase "in the bosom of time" has to be interesting. I wish all my case books were as much fun as this one.