I have inherited two tickets to a lovely wine club party in a lovely cave in Napa. Now I need a date. With a car. Who likes wine and to swing dance. Ack. It's a bit of crisis. Where in the hell am I going to find a date by tomorrow?! Help!
At least this presents a non-sitting-at-home-with-cat-and-Colin-Firth option for NYE. One that will thankfully not result in being naked in a pool with my ex for 3rd year in a row even!
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Aimlessness
The back issues of Piecework that I ordered from Mountain Laurel Books finally got here! What with the holiday and media mail and all, it took a little longer than expected but they came! Only for me to discover that I had ordered the wrong back issue, and that I had the one I was looking for all along. How annoying. At least I now have another Orenburg shawl pattern to play with, which is something. Overall, I think I love Mountain Laurel. They did ship my package to the wrong address, and charge far too much for crappy media rate shipping, but they had things I wanted and couldn't get anywhere else, were very friendly, and got everything shipped out very quickly, so I'm happy with them.
Other big winners for the Christmas shopping season were Overstock.com and Homebrewers Outpost, all found through Froogle.
Knitting content! You knew it happen sooner or latter! I finished the little Orenburg style scarf, and have started on a lovely lace stole for one of my friends as a birthday gift. The gift will be sadly late, as her birthday was Monday, but should be a big hit. She had a lovely knit stole that got lost, so making her a new one should be a good gift. Anyhow, the pattern is from the Folk Shawls book, it's the Japanese tea stole I think, knit in a lovely sage/sea foam wool and alpaca lace weight yarn I picked up at Village Spinning and Weaving on a one pound cone when I was there over Christmas. There should be enough of this yarn to do the stole and the new Orenburg pattern I got with my Piecework back issues. Yay! I discovered, much to my dismay, that lace weight yarn and size 3 needled are not the things good commute projects are made of. It took the better part of 20 minutes to do one row in the car (I was getting a row done in less than 5 minutes last night, half asleep, sitting on the sofa), so after the 5th dropped stitch I gave up. I'll have to start some socks or something for the car and train rides. Something small that will get done quickly will be a good thing, this shawl is going to take awhile.
I still have no idea what I'm going to do for New Years Eve, but it probably will involve sushi, champagne, the cat, and something from the Colin Firth oeuvre. I just don't feel like being the only single person without anyone to kiss at midnight at the party again. Plus I'm all broke still, which makes perfect sense given that I haven't worked a full week since early November, did all the holiday shopping, and paid for all my law school applications in the last couple of weeks. It's been an expensive month. Oh well. January should be better, once I get past the whole having to pay extra rent because my ass of a house mate is sabotaging any and all attempts at filling the vacant room. I wish he would hurry up and leave like I asked him too, it makes it hard to find a new house mate with some creep still hanging around not giving any indication as to when he'll get the hell out.
Other big winners for the Christmas shopping season were Overstock.com and Homebrewers Outpost, all found through Froogle.
Knitting content! You knew it happen sooner or latter! I finished the little Orenburg style scarf, and have started on a lovely lace stole for one of my friends as a birthday gift. The gift will be sadly late, as her birthday was Monday, but should be a big hit. She had a lovely knit stole that got lost, so making her a new one should be a good gift. Anyhow, the pattern is from the Folk Shawls book, it's the Japanese tea stole I think, knit in a lovely sage/sea foam wool and alpaca lace weight yarn I picked up at Village Spinning and Weaving on a one pound cone when I was there over Christmas. There should be enough of this yarn to do the stole and the new Orenburg pattern I got with my Piecework back issues. Yay! I discovered, much to my dismay, that lace weight yarn and size 3 needled are not the things good commute projects are made of. It took the better part of 20 minutes to do one row in the car (I was getting a row done in less than 5 minutes last night, half asleep, sitting on the sofa), so after the 5th dropped stitch I gave up. I'll have to start some socks or something for the car and train rides. Something small that will get done quickly will be a good thing, this shawl is going to take awhile.
I still have no idea what I'm going to do for New Years Eve, but it probably will involve sushi, champagne, the cat, and something from the Colin Firth oeuvre. I just don't feel like being the only single person without anyone to kiss at midnight at the party again. Plus I'm all broke still, which makes perfect sense given that I haven't worked a full week since early November, did all the holiday shopping, and paid for all my law school applications in the last couple of weeks. It's been an expensive month. Oh well. January should be better, once I get past the whole having to pay extra rent because my ass of a house mate is sabotaging any and all attempts at filling the vacant room. I wish he would hurry up and leave like I asked him too, it makes it hard to find a new house mate with some creep still hanging around not giving any indication as to when he'll get the hell out.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Technical difficulties (as usual?)
I'm beginning to loath my ISP. Or at least their FTP server. Why can't I upload my blog postings? Why am I writing a new post I will not be able to upload? It's all a bit of a mystery.
At least the sun has come out today (yay!). Being able to actually see the sky is a nice thing. That and the absurdly light traffic this week made for a positively pleasant commute.
I can't quite figure out what, if anything, I ought to do with myself for New Years. Staying home alone with the cat and a bottle of champagne seems a bit pathetic. But the alternatives for going out are not that appealing either. I can either go to Tracy and end up naked and drunk in a pool with my ex boyfriend, or go to Sacramento and end up god knows where (I thought I heard something about a hot tub, which at least isn't as cold as the pool). Both of these alternatives involve far too much travel, too much nudity, and probably a major hang-over. What I really want to do...that's another thing all together. I want to spend the evening with someone who wants to be with me (who, naturally, doesn't), and spend the better of New Years day in bed, just cuddling, with the aforementioned someone-other-than-the-cat. We'll see what actually ends up happening I suppose.
Thank god I have a 4 day weekend. I should be able to get some serious sewing done. It turns out I actually have a fair amount of work to do for other people in January, which kind of sucks but at least I like these people and they are suitably appreciative of my time. Which is something. Besides, none of these projects are all that complicated. I have to do a dress for a woman from OES and Dickens, another for Rainbow grand officer, and start on a frock coat for a friend. The frock should be interesting. It'll be a grand tailoring experiment, and counts as a birthday gift. Yay! I love it when one task can accomplish two goals. Always a nice thing.
At least the sun has come out today (yay!). Being able to actually see the sky is a nice thing. That and the absurdly light traffic this week made for a positively pleasant commute.
I can't quite figure out what, if anything, I ought to do with myself for New Years. Staying home alone with the cat and a bottle of champagne seems a bit pathetic. But the alternatives for going out are not that appealing either. I can either go to Tracy and end up naked and drunk in a pool with my ex boyfriend, or go to Sacramento and end up god knows where (I thought I heard something about a hot tub, which at least isn't as cold as the pool). Both of these alternatives involve far too much travel, too much nudity, and probably a major hang-over. What I really want to do...that's another thing all together. I want to spend the evening with someone who wants to be with me (who, naturally, doesn't), and spend the better of New Years day in bed, just cuddling, with the aforementioned someone-other-than-the-cat. We'll see what actually ends up happening I suppose.
Thank god I have a 4 day weekend. I should be able to get some serious sewing done. It turns out I actually have a fair amount of work to do for other people in January, which kind of sucks but at least I like these people and they are suitably appreciative of my time. Which is something. Besides, none of these projects are all that complicated. I have to do a dress for a woman from OES and Dickens, another for Rainbow grand officer, and start on a frock coat for a friend. The frock should be interesting. It'll be a grand tailoring experiment, and counts as a birthday gift. Yay! I love it when one task can accomplish two goals. Always a nice thing.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
I may freeze
Man, it's cold. I am sure that in the more arctic parts of this country, it's colder, but for a kid who grew up in sunny Santa Barbara, it's friggin' freezing. Thank god I finally finished (and even blocked!) my wool version of the Rowan Hope sweater! yay! I'm very pleased with how it turned out actually. Once it's dry (which may take forever, given how cold and damp it is right now) I'm very much looking forward to wearing it.
I actually had a fairly productive Christmas, as far as needlework projects go anyway. I finished the Hope sweater, and I finally finished a tatted handkerchief I've been working on for at least 3 years. It's a bit absurd, but I really only work on this thing around Christmas, and mainly out at Dickens, where it's dark and I wear contacts that do not correct my astigmatism, so 3 years really isn't so bad. I got it done on Christmas eve, washed out 3 years of accumulated grunge, and it looks lovely. I'm quite proud of myself. Tatting is a slow process, but so lovely when you get something done!
I had a very nice trip down to the ancestors for Christmas. I actually ended up driving down with the boy, which was sort of odd but ended up being an ok thing I think. It turns out that the little game I played last day at Dickens went better than I had though. I had wanted to get him a really lovely edition of his book, and found one that was done in at least 1870. I couldn't figure out a graceful way of giving it to him after the whole house guest debacle, so I anonymously telegraphed it to him and decided that if he figured it out by the end of day and sent me a note back everything would be ok.
Well, I didn't get a note back. Or anything at all. So I left the site on Sunday pretty much all sad and dejected but ok with it because I saw his face after he got it, and one of the people who knew I'd sent it said he was just beside himself with glee and very happy with it. I'd pretty much concluded that he had no clue, had attributed the gift to someone else, and that was that. I'd never mention it, it never happened.
So, Wednesday evening I get to his house (which was a series of misadventures in and of itself), he finally gets there, and as he's making us a bit of food before we leave, he pops up with "So, were you the one who sent me the book?" to which I replied "Hmm, why would you think that?" and he said something to the effect that I was the only person who was thoughtful enough, cared enough and knew enough to send something like that, but he thought I hated him so he wasn't sure. So I told him that if I hated him I would 1 - not be in his dinning room at that moment, and 2 - wouldn't have sent it.
I have no idea where any of this leaves us, but that's ok. We had a nice drive down, I helped him with his French (he's going to be in the chorus for Carmen), and went we finally got to my parents Dad made us cinnamon bread toast and tea, and we talked for another hour before he finally left and went to his parents. It was actually quite nice, and I don't feel like such a crazy person anymore (at least as far as that whole mess is concerned).
Anyway, the holiday itself was fairly uneventful, Dad and I ended up not skiing yesterday because I'm still getting over that awful plague thing and there was a huge storm, and I'm back at work today. It's nice and quiet, and the awful demo of the product for the big boss guy went brilliantly last week so I haven't been sacked and should be ok and employed for another 4 or 6 months. Yay!
Now if I can just get my house situation worked out all will be well and the new year will start off brilliantly! Even if it does start off alone or naked in a freezing pool with my ex...
Fun beer quotes for the day:
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
-- W.C. Fields, actor
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-- Oscar Wilde, author
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin, statesman/inventor
I actually had a fairly productive Christmas, as far as needlework projects go anyway. I finished the Hope sweater, and I finally finished a tatted handkerchief I've been working on for at least 3 years. It's a bit absurd, but I really only work on this thing around Christmas, and mainly out at Dickens, where it's dark and I wear contacts that do not correct my astigmatism, so 3 years really isn't so bad. I got it done on Christmas eve, washed out 3 years of accumulated grunge, and it looks lovely. I'm quite proud of myself. Tatting is a slow process, but so lovely when you get something done!
I had a very nice trip down to the ancestors for Christmas. I actually ended up driving down with the boy, which was sort of odd but ended up being an ok thing I think. It turns out that the little game I played last day at Dickens went better than I had though. I had wanted to get him a really lovely edition of his book, and found one that was done in at least 1870. I couldn't figure out a graceful way of giving it to him after the whole house guest debacle, so I anonymously telegraphed it to him and decided that if he figured it out by the end of day and sent me a note back everything would be ok.
Well, I didn't get a note back. Or anything at all. So I left the site on Sunday pretty much all sad and dejected but ok with it because I saw his face after he got it, and one of the people who knew I'd sent it said he was just beside himself with glee and very happy with it. I'd pretty much concluded that he had no clue, had attributed the gift to someone else, and that was that. I'd never mention it, it never happened.
So, Wednesday evening I get to his house (which was a series of misadventures in and of itself), he finally gets there, and as he's making us a bit of food before we leave, he pops up with "So, were you the one who sent me the book?" to which I replied "Hmm, why would you think that?" and he said something to the effect that I was the only person who was thoughtful enough, cared enough and knew enough to send something like that, but he thought I hated him so he wasn't sure. So I told him that if I hated him I would 1 - not be in his dinning room at that moment, and 2 - wouldn't have sent it.
I have no idea where any of this leaves us, but that's ok. We had a nice drive down, I helped him with his French (he's going to be in the chorus for Carmen), and went we finally got to my parents Dad made us cinnamon bread toast and tea, and we talked for another hour before he finally left and went to his parents. It was actually quite nice, and I don't feel like such a crazy person anymore (at least as far as that whole mess is concerned).
Anyway, the holiday itself was fairly uneventful, Dad and I ended up not skiing yesterday because I'm still getting over that awful plague thing and there was a huge storm, and I'm back at work today. It's nice and quiet, and the awful demo of the product for the big boss guy went brilliantly last week so I haven't been sacked and should be ok and employed for another 4 or 6 months. Yay!
Now if I can just get my house situation worked out all will be well and the new year will start off brilliantly! Even if it does start off alone or naked in a freezing pool with my ex...
Fun beer quotes for the day:
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
-- W.C. Fields, actor
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-- Oscar Wilde, author
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin, statesman/inventor
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Yo ho yo ho a geeks life for me!
I've said it before, but I love my job! Today I've had one guy comment that my suitcase must be full of impressive lap tops, seen an engineer sail by on a Segway scooter thing, watched another one juggle 2 balls and an omelet pan, and for lunch we have "Kona Coffee Crusted Beef Tenderloin: Seared coffee crusted filet mignon drizzled with a Kahlua coffee liqueur and vanilla bean sauce." Caffeinated meat! It's what the dreams of geeks are made of!
The only possible draw back to the whole situation here is the scary toilets, one of which finally attacked me this morning. It eventually happens to everyone, you're sitting there quietly minding your own business, and then Woosh! Out of nowhere comes this paint-stripping blast of slightly warm water. Very scary. One of the engineers told me that you can actually hit the wall across the room with one of these things. Eep. I will say I've come to appreciate the warm seat. It was rather off-putting at first, and the control panel was very intimidating, but up until today I've had no malfunctions and had come to like the thing. Now I'm tense again. The toilet thinks it's smarter than me.
Anyway, this afternoon I'm heading down to my parents for the holiday. It's a bit sad, my brother is going to be spending the holiday with his future in-laws (he finally got engaged! yay! We love this girl. I was seriously considering trading him in for her if he didn't decide to keep her) so I will only get to see him Thursday for lunch. Which kind of sucks. But this is what happens when you turn in to an adult and have relationships with actual people, and not just a cat and a playstation, and we all must come to terms with it. At least I'll have time to knit and read in relative peace, without fear of strange crazy housemate drama.
The only possible draw back to the whole situation here is the scary toilets, one of which finally attacked me this morning. It eventually happens to everyone, you're sitting there quietly minding your own business, and then Woosh! Out of nowhere comes this paint-stripping blast of slightly warm water. Very scary. One of the engineers told me that you can actually hit the wall across the room with one of these things. Eep. I will say I've come to appreciate the warm seat. It was rather off-putting at first, and the control panel was very intimidating, but up until today I've had no malfunctions and had come to like the thing. Now I'm tense again. The toilet thinks it's smarter than me.
Anyway, this afternoon I'm heading down to my parents for the holiday. It's a bit sad, my brother is going to be spending the holiday with his future in-laws (he finally got engaged! yay! We love this girl. I was seriously considering trading him in for her if he didn't decide to keep her) so I will only get to see him Thursday for lunch. Which kind of sucks. But this is what happens when you turn in to an adult and have relationships with actual people, and not just a cat and a playstation, and we all must come to terms with it. At least I'll have time to knit and read in relative peace, without fear of strange crazy housemate drama.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Something fun for the holiday
And they even got it right. Freaky.
|
Your Christmas is Most Like: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation |
Christmas is a big, boisterous event at your place. And no matter what, something hilarious usually happens. |
It's done!
I have just now sent off my last and final law school application. Yay! I'm not altogether sure what I'm supposed to do now. Clearly, waiting will be a big part of it, but surely there should be some kind of ritual drinking or chanting, or something? At any rate, it's nice to have it all done and sent out. Now I can focus on other things.
Like getting rid of my creepy house mate. He is incapable of having an actual conversation about anything. It always turns into this huge Lets list all of Heidi's dysfunctions-fest, followed by a laundry list of every failure in housekeeping I have made in six months. Why in the hell would he think I want to live with that? Anyway, I asked him to start looking for a place last night, with any luck he won't give me too much more trouble about this. At least I have the building owner and the lease on my side so it should all be ok. I just really hate confrontational unpleasantness.
I need to work on that actually. Avoiding confrontation and unpleasant scenes really doesn't get one anywhere. Part of the problem is that when I get mad I cry, and that seems like a sign of weakness, which I want to avoid. So I avoid the confrontation altogether and nothing gets resolved and eventually I just kind of flip out and no one knows why, if they even know I've flipped out at all. It's a problem. I must try to be more assertive and confident and stand up for myself, and not be afraid of confronting people with things that bother me.
To that end, I suppose I might as well start on some new year's resolutions. I don't do it very often, but this seems like a good time to really focus on making some changes and working through some stuff, so here goes.
1 - Stick to the WW plan and get to lifetime. I have 7 pounds to go.
2 - Stand up for myself and be more assertive
3 - Clean my room and keep it that way
4 - Reduce my fabric stash by half
5 - Reduce my un-spun wool stash by half (note that 4 and 5 can be done by sewing and spinning the raw materials in question)
6 - Make a budget and stick to it. Include deposits to savings as a budget item.
I can do these things. Nothing here is out of my control or beyond my abilities. I just have to keep reminding myself that I can do these things.
Like getting rid of my creepy house mate. He is incapable of having an actual conversation about anything. It always turns into this huge Lets list all of Heidi's dysfunctions-fest, followed by a laundry list of every failure in housekeeping I have made in six months. Why in the hell would he think I want to live with that? Anyway, I asked him to start looking for a place last night, with any luck he won't give me too much more trouble about this. At least I have the building owner and the lease on my side so it should all be ok. I just really hate confrontational unpleasantness.
I need to work on that actually. Avoiding confrontation and unpleasant scenes really doesn't get one anywhere. Part of the problem is that when I get mad I cry, and that seems like a sign of weakness, which I want to avoid. So I avoid the confrontation altogether and nothing gets resolved and eventually I just kind of flip out and no one knows why, if they even know I've flipped out at all. It's a problem. I must try to be more assertive and confident and stand up for myself, and not be afraid of confronting people with things that bother me.
To that end, I suppose I might as well start on some new year's resolutions. I don't do it very often, but this seems like a good time to really focus on making some changes and working through some stuff, so here goes.
1 - Stick to the WW plan and get to lifetime. I have 7 pounds to go.
2 - Stand up for myself and be more assertive
3 - Clean my room and keep it that way
4 - Reduce my fabric stash by half
5 - Reduce my un-spun wool stash by half (note that 4 and 5 can be done by sewing and spinning the raw materials in question)
6 - Make a budget and stick to it. Include deposits to savings as a budget item.
I can do these things. Nothing here is out of my control or beyond my abilities. I just have to keep reminding myself that I can do these things.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Lots of surprises
For feeling as badly I do, emotionally and physically, I feel like I managed to put on a good, solid performance weekend. It was rather surprising. So long as I stayed out on stage, and stayed "on" when I was backstage, I did fine. The minute I dropped character for half a second though, I crashed.
Friday I spent most of the day doing laundry and sleeping. All things considered, and seeing as I ended up with a pretty high (for me anyway) fever, the OES meeting went off very well. It could have been better, but I was sick, so I'm not complaining.
Saturday went quite well out at Fair, but I must have done something like 5 costume changes. It got a little ridiculous. I started out at the opening tableau in my borrowed mourning, which I never did get around to fitting but it managed to look quite good anyway. Mr. Dickens didn't call on us, so we did the bit we had planned and expended on it on the platform a little latter in the morning. First though I went and got myself a new corset. Not that I should have been spending money on a corset, but it's a Christmas gift to myself and I really needed something pretty and sexy. I ran into a friend who asked me to do a Little Bo Peep sort of window with her that afternoon, so after changing out of mourning (for the second time) and into my Bella dress, I went and did the window. That went quite well. We looked absurdly cute and had a grand time. I ended up missing the costume contest, but that's ok. The afternoon was somewhat less chaotic. I was able to spend a bit of time with a couple of friends who were visiting for the weekend, have port and chocolates with some other friends, and just relax and work the streets some before I changed out into Mrs. G. Of course, I was still running a fever, so getting out of the wool dress when I did was a huge relief.
I ended up doing my best to avoid the Sekmet awards (Dickens Fair Oscars), and caught a little of it at the end. It turns out my cast won for best ensemble performance, so that was nice. After we closed, a whole bunch of us went back to my house and a little party. It was actually a huge amount of fun. We ate Vietnamese food, mulled wine, made gingerbread, and listened to scary 60's Christmas music that sounds like something 57 women in skimpy elf costumes should be doing a synchronized pole-dance to. Gotta love the good people at Ultra Lounge.
Anyway, Sunday morning I got up and made a huge fritatta for everyone, and when I went to put my shoes on, found a nice fresh little gift my cat had left for me. I was pretty sure I'd seen a mouse in the house, but to find it's poor lifeless corpse splayed out next to my boot was a bit much for a Sunday morning pre-fair. Thank god there were boys and people with stronger stomachs in the house to get rid of the body. I freaked out and did the chick-with-a-mouse dance on top of my footstool. Truly pathetic. A note from the cat (or the Great White Huntress as she shall henceforth be known) on the matter:
Dear Mommee,
Hear iz a nize mousie for ewe, Ey hope ewe lyke it. Maybee wee can share it wyth all the nyce pepole who came to see mee last nyte. Ewe need to feed thym lots of nyce things. I worree about what you eat, it's not good.
Luv,
Maya
I still felt like crap on Sunday, mouse and all, but managed to push through my performance quite well. We got called on for the tableau, which went very well, and I was able to torment Mr. Dickens with a fork and fill in on the platform more than usual, and even got to ride on the bosuns chair in my hoops again. The final for the costume contest went really well, and much to my amazement I got an award from the Costumers Guild for excellence in construction, which was very nice. Mrs. Gaskell has lots of nice things to say at the tea in the afternoon. A customer who had stayed for our discussion on women's education and social reform actually came up to Thena and I and told us how lovely she thought the whole thing was and that we had given her a lot of think about, she wasn't aware that ladies had such forward-thinking ideas. It was quite nice, and I wished I hadn't forgotten my cards. I might have gotten her to pick up one of Mrs. G's books and actually read it.
The day ended, as last days will, a bit sadly. A small little game I decided to play (more with myself than anyone else) didn't result in anything at all, which ended up being quite disappointing, if not unexpected. But I did get to have dinner with an old friend and crush, do a bit of catching up, and overall it was a pretty ok day. I'm just exhausted this morning, and still feel like hell. I now have lots of congestion to go with the fever and aches and everything else. At least that usually means it's getting better and there are drugs I can take that will help. Yay drugs!
I just hope my cat hasn't murdered anything else when I get home...I don't know who I'll get to clean up the bodies.
Friday I spent most of the day doing laundry and sleeping. All things considered, and seeing as I ended up with a pretty high (for me anyway) fever, the OES meeting went off very well. It could have been better, but I was sick, so I'm not complaining.
Saturday went quite well out at Fair, but I must have done something like 5 costume changes. It got a little ridiculous. I started out at the opening tableau in my borrowed mourning, which I never did get around to fitting but it managed to look quite good anyway. Mr. Dickens didn't call on us, so we did the bit we had planned and expended on it on the platform a little latter in the morning. First though I went and got myself a new corset. Not that I should have been spending money on a corset, but it's a Christmas gift to myself and I really needed something pretty and sexy. I ran into a friend who asked me to do a Little Bo Peep sort of window with her that afternoon, so after changing out of mourning (for the second time) and into my Bella dress, I went and did the window. That went quite well. We looked absurdly cute and had a grand time. I ended up missing the costume contest, but that's ok. The afternoon was somewhat less chaotic. I was able to spend a bit of time with a couple of friends who were visiting for the weekend, have port and chocolates with some other friends, and just relax and work the streets some before I changed out into Mrs. G. Of course, I was still running a fever, so getting out of the wool dress when I did was a huge relief.
I ended up doing my best to avoid the Sekmet awards (Dickens Fair Oscars), and caught a little of it at the end. It turns out my cast won for best ensemble performance, so that was nice. After we closed, a whole bunch of us went back to my house and a little party. It was actually a huge amount of fun. We ate Vietnamese food, mulled wine, made gingerbread, and listened to scary 60's Christmas music that sounds like something 57 women in skimpy elf costumes should be doing a synchronized pole-dance to. Gotta love the good people at Ultra Lounge.
Anyway, Sunday morning I got up and made a huge fritatta for everyone, and when I went to put my shoes on, found a nice fresh little gift my cat had left for me. I was pretty sure I'd seen a mouse in the house, but to find it's poor lifeless corpse splayed out next to my boot was a bit much for a Sunday morning pre-fair. Thank god there were boys and people with stronger stomachs in the house to get rid of the body. I freaked out and did the chick-with-a-mouse dance on top of my footstool. Truly pathetic. A note from the cat (or the Great White Huntress as she shall henceforth be known) on the matter:
Dear Mommee,
Hear iz a nize mousie for ewe, Ey hope ewe lyke it. Maybee wee can share it wyth all the nyce pepole who came to see mee last nyte. Ewe need to feed thym lots of nyce things. I worree about what you eat, it's not good.
Luv,
Maya
I still felt like crap on Sunday, mouse and all, but managed to push through my performance quite well. We got called on for the tableau, which went very well, and I was able to torment Mr. Dickens with a fork and fill in on the platform more than usual, and even got to ride on the bosuns chair in my hoops again. The final for the costume contest went really well, and much to my amazement I got an award from the Costumers Guild for excellence in construction, which was very nice. Mrs. Gaskell has lots of nice things to say at the tea in the afternoon. A customer who had stayed for our discussion on women's education and social reform actually came up to Thena and I and told us how lovely she thought the whole thing was and that we had given her a lot of think about, she wasn't aware that ladies had such forward-thinking ideas. It was quite nice, and I wished I hadn't forgotten my cards. I might have gotten her to pick up one of Mrs. G's books and actually read it.
The day ended, as last days will, a bit sadly. A small little game I decided to play (more with myself than anyone else) didn't result in anything at all, which ended up being quite disappointing, if not unexpected. But I did get to have dinner with an old friend and crush, do a bit of catching up, and overall it was a pretty ok day. I'm just exhausted this morning, and still feel like hell. I now have lots of congestion to go with the fever and aches and everything else. At least that usually means it's getting better and there are drugs I can take that will help. Yay drugs!
I just hope my cat hasn't murdered anything else when I get home...I don't know who I'll get to clean up the bodies.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
I have succumbed
Man, I feel like crap. I seem to have finally gotten the cold-which-is-not-a-cold that everyone at work had two weeks ago. I have no actual symptoms but feel like I have a fever, am exhausted, my throat is scratchy, and I'm achy. What fun. If this isn't any better in the morning I'm going to just have to suck it up and take Friday off work. There's no way I'm going to make it though an OES meeting feeling like I did last night.
The downside to this is that I've accomplished nothing so far this week. I have not fitted the borrowed black stuff for Saturday morning, I have not made gingerbread, and I have not done any laundry. I did sleep, so I guess that's something, but I've got a whole lot of little things I'm going to have to do tonight to get ready for the weekend. At least I managed to postpone the semi-date thing, that helps. I wouldn't be any fun tonight anyway.
I wish someone would bring me soup and tuck me in to bed. That's the main problem with this whole being an adult business. Mom isn't around so much to enable the pathetic wallowing when you're sick.
I did make a little progress on the Orenburg scarf last night. I'm very pleased with it. The yarn is a super soft red angora and silk blend I had in my stash, and with the heart motif, the whole thing looks very sweet and festive. Maybe I should start on the actual shawl after I'm done with my Hope sweater, I think I'm ready to tackle a really challenging lace project.
The really big news for today is that I got 4 more law school applications sent out. That makes for 8 down, and 2 reach schools to go. I'm debating about my essays for one of the remaining applications. I should probably write some extra ones for a few of their scholarship programs. More essays hardly sounds like fun to me but more scholarships sounds like a grand idea. Of course, it would help if I thought I had a chance in hell of being accepted at this school. But it doesn't hurt to try. Facing the inevitable avalanche of rejection letters isn't something I'm quite ready for at this point though. Just what I need, more people telling me I don't meet their standards and am not what they want anyway.
The downside to this is that I've accomplished nothing so far this week. I have not fitted the borrowed black stuff for Saturday morning, I have not made gingerbread, and I have not done any laundry. I did sleep, so I guess that's something, but I've got a whole lot of little things I'm going to have to do tonight to get ready for the weekend. At least I managed to postpone the semi-date thing, that helps. I wouldn't be any fun tonight anyway.
I wish someone would bring me soup and tuck me in to bed. That's the main problem with this whole being an adult business. Mom isn't around so much to enable the pathetic wallowing when you're sick.
I did make a little progress on the Orenburg scarf last night. I'm very pleased with it. The yarn is a super soft red angora and silk blend I had in my stash, and with the heart motif, the whole thing looks very sweet and festive. Maybe I should start on the actual shawl after I'm done with my Hope sweater, I think I'm ready to tackle a really challenging lace project.
The really big news for today is that I got 4 more law school applications sent out. That makes for 8 down, and 2 reach schools to go. I'm debating about my essays for one of the remaining applications. I should probably write some extra ones for a few of their scholarship programs. More essays hardly sounds like fun to me but more scholarships sounds like a grand idea. Of course, it would help if I thought I had a chance in hell of being accepted at this school. But it doesn't hurt to try. Facing the inevitable avalanche of rejection letters isn't something I'm quite ready for at this point though. Just what I need, more people telling me I don't meet their standards and am not what they want anyway.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Magazine crisis solved!
Not that it was much of a crisis, but I get a little nuts when I can't find things.
Anyway, I found a new on line resources for magazine back issues, and if these lovely people actually have my September/October 2000 Piecework in stock, as the web site claims, I will be a happy kid. In the mean time, it looks like the the good folks at Mountain Laurel Books have lots and lots of wonderful hard to find needlework books. Yay!
I love Froogle.
Anyway, I found a new on line resources for magazine back issues, and if these lovely people actually have my September/October 2000 Piecework in stock, as the web site claims, I will be a happy kid. In the mean time, it looks like the the good folks at Mountain Laurel Books have lots and lots of wonderful hard to find needlework books. Yay!
I love Froogle.
Not quite ready
Gah. I got nothing accomplished last night. Not only did I fail to make it to any of the events I was supposed to be at, but I completely failed to get anything productive done on the mourning outfit for Saturday. Partly, this is because I was exhausted and felt like crap and just wanted to watch the silly (and embarrassing) Gilligan's' Island show followed by Sex in the City, and also partly because I went insane looking for my September/October 2000 issue of Piecework magazine. It's vanished into the ether as far as I can tell. I tore apart all of my bookshelves and knitting bags and can't find the stupid thing anywhere. I know I had it, I knitted the Orenburg warm shawl out of it. I found the shawl. I just can't find the magazine. This is enraging, especially since I apparently can't order a back issue from Interweave Press anymore either. *sigh*
Why the sudden passion to find the magazine? Well, when I was knitting the warm shawl I remembered thinking that the linked hearts border would make a rather sweet little scarf all by itself. I needed to find a Christmas gift for an old friend, and thought that what with a whole week and a half before Christmas, knitting her a lace scarf would be just the thing and wouldn't that border section be a great pattern to use! After several hours of fruitless searching, I gave up, and ended up reverse engineering the tooth edging on my shawl and re graphing a slightly different (and more symmetrical) lace panel using the linked hearts and another pattern called strawberries. It's actually better for what I'm doing than the original panel, and I've got about 11 inches of scarf knit already, so it's all for the good.
I'm still annoyed about having lost the magazine though. Piecework is one of the few magazines I can pick up a few years/months latter and still enjoy and find a good project to work on. Most of them are fairly small, so when I need something quick and lovely it's the first place I usually turn for inspiration.
Yesterday afternoon boy IM'd me. And apologized. I wasn't anywhere close to ready for that. I rather expected he would try to contact me this week somehow or another, but not to say he was sorry. I stuck to my resolve though, I just felt very sad doing it. It's the hopelessness that went along with it that was unexpected. It would be so much easier if I were angry and raging, I could smash something and feel better. This quiet aching resignation business just sucks, nothing I do makes it any better.
Why the sudden passion to find the magazine? Well, when I was knitting the warm shawl I remembered thinking that the linked hearts border would make a rather sweet little scarf all by itself. I needed to find a Christmas gift for an old friend, and thought that what with a whole week and a half before Christmas, knitting her a lace scarf would be just the thing and wouldn't that border section be a great pattern to use! After several hours of fruitless searching, I gave up, and ended up reverse engineering the tooth edging on my shawl and re graphing a slightly different (and more symmetrical) lace panel using the linked hearts and another pattern called strawberries. It's actually better for what I'm doing than the original panel, and I've got about 11 inches of scarf knit already, so it's all for the good.
I'm still annoyed about having lost the magazine though. Piecework is one of the few magazines I can pick up a few years/months latter and still enjoy and find a good project to work on. Most of them are fairly small, so when I need something quick and lovely it's the first place I usually turn for inspiration.
Yesterday afternoon boy IM'd me. And apologized. I wasn't anywhere close to ready for that. I rather expected he would try to contact me this week somehow or another, but not to say he was sorry. I stuck to my resolve though, I just felt very sad doing it. It's the hopelessness that went along with it that was unexpected. It would be so much easier if I were angry and raging, I could smash something and feel better. This quiet aching resignation business just sucks, nothing I do makes it any better.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Iron Goddess Grade 1
When I was last working near China Town, I stocked up on some wonderful teas from the Yau Hing tea company (now called Red Blossom Tea). Every time I go in there, I end up walking away with a half dozen little packets of wonderful teas with names like "Iron Goddess of Mercy" and "Phoenix Eye." The Iron Goddess tea in particular has been very appealing this week, as if I can somehow drink in the attributes of an Iron Goddess of Mercy through the tea.
My schedule for this week has gotten a bit out of hand. Tonight I am supposed to be at 3 different events, but will probably not end up at any of them as I have to get gingerbread mix for the OES meeting on Friday and make some alterations to a black jacket I will be using for a mourning costume on Saturday morning. As it turns out, I haven't got enough of the black duchess satin left over from the Madame X dress to do my mourning dress (or time to make it), so I'll be making do with the parts I have available and starting to shop for suitable fabric after fair ends. Wednesday I have to bake gingerbread, Thursday I have a semi-date thing, and Friday is an OES meeting which will be the first I will preside at as Worthy Matron (and which I am also chairing, I'm insane). After the meeting, a couple of friends are coming over to crash for the weekend since I live so close to the Dickens site, so I have to do a bit of cleaning up and preparation work for that, and also pack myself up for closing weekend. Ack.
Last night was relatively peaceful actually, which was nice. I decorated my Christmas tree, which I have to admit looks more like a misshapen shrub than a proper tree, but it's a pine tree, it's still alive, and I like it. I also got the few Christmas presents that I actually have purchased wrapped up and stuck under the tree. This weekend, if the check for the SASS dress shows up, I will be able to finish up most of my holiday shopping at Dickens. What I can't get there I will either knit in a hurry or buy sometime next week. I can hit the mall after work if I need to and get whatever else I'm going to need to get. I wish I had half a clue what to get for my brother. He's always a bit of a challenge. Although, he did mentioned something about wanting to learn how to home brew, so if I can find a reasonable start-up brewing kit that would be a good gift.
My mental/emotional state is pretty good. sitting at home alone last night was a bit rough, but I managed to get through it without bursting into tears. I think I was far more prepared for this that I wanted to admit to myself. It's ok to be sad and a bit lonely, and it's probably all for the best anyway. What I really need to do right now is shed myself of as much unnecessary baggage, emotional and physical, as I can before I head off to law school and start over. And I have to allow myself to mourn for those things I must leave behind.
My schedule for this week has gotten a bit out of hand. Tonight I am supposed to be at 3 different events, but will probably not end up at any of them as I have to get gingerbread mix for the OES meeting on Friday and make some alterations to a black jacket I will be using for a mourning costume on Saturday morning. As it turns out, I haven't got enough of the black duchess satin left over from the Madame X dress to do my mourning dress (or time to make it), so I'll be making do with the parts I have available and starting to shop for suitable fabric after fair ends. Wednesday I have to bake gingerbread, Thursday I have a semi-date thing, and Friday is an OES meeting which will be the first I will preside at as Worthy Matron (and which I am also chairing, I'm insane). After the meeting, a couple of friends are coming over to crash for the weekend since I live so close to the Dickens site, so I have to do a bit of cleaning up and preparation work for that, and also pack myself up for closing weekend. Ack.
Last night was relatively peaceful actually, which was nice. I decorated my Christmas tree, which I have to admit looks more like a misshapen shrub than a proper tree, but it's a pine tree, it's still alive, and I like it. I also got the few Christmas presents that I actually have purchased wrapped up and stuck under the tree. This weekend, if the check for the SASS dress shows up, I will be able to finish up most of my holiday shopping at Dickens. What I can't get there I will either knit in a hurry or buy sometime next week. I can hit the mall after work if I need to and get whatever else I'm going to need to get. I wish I had half a clue what to get for my brother. He's always a bit of a challenge. Although, he did mentioned something about wanting to learn how to home brew, so if I can find a reasonable start-up brewing kit that would be a good gift.
My mental/emotional state is pretty good. sitting at home alone last night was a bit rough, but I managed to get through it without bursting into tears. I think I was far more prepared for this that I wanted to admit to myself. It's ok to be sad and a bit lonely, and it's probably all for the best anyway. What I really need to do right now is shed myself of as much unnecessary baggage, emotional and physical, as I can before I head off to law school and start over. And I have to allow myself to mourn for those things I must leave behind.
Monday, December 13, 2004
More Window Pictures
Here are some pictures of my week-1 window a friend from the fencing booth took. Nothing like a chick in her underwear with guns!
Not quite awake
After not getting more than 8 hours of sleep total this weekend, getting to bed a semi-reasonable hour just wasn't enough for me last night. I'm fairly sleepy today, my body aches, mt ankles hurt for some mysterious reason, but overall I'm actually feeling remarkably well, all things considered.
With one very large exception, Dickens actually went ok this weekend. I filled in on the platform at the last possible minute Saturday morning, it wasn't a brilliant attempt at improve but it wasn't awful either. Brats tea went well, and we survived the costumes guild visit to the costume contest (always a challenge, we end up with lots of entrants and no additional time to look at them all). My corset window was very well received and praised by the shop owner, which one can always take as a good sign. A good friend sent me a couple of the pictures he took.
Cyn and I did a sort of bridal thing, using her bits and pieces from her wedding. There's a certain irony in that, but we had a good time and the passers-by seemed to like what we were doing so that's good.
Sunday was much less crowded, to everyones joy. I worked outside for a bit, did some good street work with my Mr. Rokesmith and Lizzie Hexam, caught up with some old friends, and proposed a toast in the mess to chocolate (or that which provides the ultimate in sublime satisfaction). I have got to say, the people selling truffles across from the club have about the best chocolate one can get. It's truly amazing, and is really sublime. All one needs is some good port or champagne, a few of those truffles, and a hot bath. It was also silly chapeau day, at the request of King David of Hawaii, so we all got out the silly hats and had a grand time coming up with ways to make them sillier. We had a rousing game of Blind man's Bluff before toasties, during which I was injured by someone's jewelery and ended up bleeding all over myself. Who knew parlor games could be so dangerous? I also got to play with the Paddy West guys a bit, and get hoisted up in the Bosun's seat, where they showed me how to row a ship. It was highly amusing.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to last weekend. I wish I hadn't missed second weekend, just 3 weekends of fair isn't quite enough. But we should have fun for closing. A bunch of friends are coming out, I get to be in the opening tableau, and some (sane) friends are staying the weekend. It should be a nice way to end the run. I've got a bit of extra sewing work to do for the tableau, we want to do a very early scene with Bella and Mrs. Boffin in which Bella is still in mourning, but I just have to fit a jacket so it shouldn't be too bad. Unless I go mad and decide to make a simple mourning dress, there just might be enough of the black satin left over from the Madame X dress to put a simple one together...
With one very large exception, Dickens actually went ok this weekend. I filled in on the platform at the last possible minute Saturday morning, it wasn't a brilliant attempt at improve but it wasn't awful either. Brats tea went well, and we survived the costumes guild visit to the costume contest (always a challenge, we end up with lots of entrants and no additional time to look at them all). My corset window was very well received and praised by the shop owner, which one can always take as a good sign. A good friend sent me a couple of the pictures he took.
Cyn and I did a sort of bridal thing, using her bits and pieces from her wedding. There's a certain irony in that, but we had a good time and the passers-by seemed to like what we were doing so that's good.
Sunday was much less crowded, to everyones joy. I worked outside for a bit, did some good street work with my Mr. Rokesmith and Lizzie Hexam, caught up with some old friends, and proposed a toast in the mess to chocolate (or that which provides the ultimate in sublime satisfaction). I have got to say, the people selling truffles across from the club have about the best chocolate one can get. It's truly amazing, and is really sublime. All one needs is some good port or champagne, a few of those truffles, and a hot bath. It was also silly chapeau day, at the request of King David of Hawaii, so we all got out the silly hats and had a grand time coming up with ways to make them sillier. We had a rousing game of Blind man's Bluff before toasties, during which I was injured by someone's jewelery and ended up bleeding all over myself. Who knew parlor games could be so dangerous? I also got to play with the Paddy West guys a bit, and get hoisted up in the Bosun's seat, where they showed me how to row a ship. It was highly amusing.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to last weekend. I wish I hadn't missed second weekend, just 3 weekends of fair isn't quite enough. But we should have fun for closing. A bunch of friends are coming out, I get to be in the opening tableau, and some (sane) friends are staying the weekend. It should be a nice way to end the run. I've got a bit of extra sewing work to do for the tableau, we want to do a very early scene with Bella and Mrs. Boffin in which Bella is still in mourning, but I just have to fit a jacket so it shouldn't be too bad. Unless I go mad and decide to make a simple mourning dress, there just might be enough of the black satin left over from the Madame X dress to put a simple one together...
Oh god, oh god
What an awfull weekend. Between exhaustion, financial crisis, and a shattered heart, I hardly know where to begin or what the point in any of it is.
If I had the courage to say what I have writen, if I had the courage to send it to him, this is how I would have explained myself to the idiot boy:
"I do love you. I wish I had had the chance to tell you, but I love you. It doesn't change things in the least. In fact, it makes it all that much simpler. I cannot, I will not, wait any longer.
Before yesterday, I thought I could give you time. You don’t know what it is to love. You kept telling me that you could’t give me what I wanted, but when did you ever ask what I wanted? When did you ever listen? Have you any idea how much time you have spent telling me what you wanted? Telling me all of the ways in which I failed to meet your adbusrd expectations? You want perfection. You want a woman who is never sad, who never makes a false step. You want a vapid, simple, fool of a creature who will not challenge you and who will never offer you fulfillment.
I leave you to her. I can never be that. I have no desire to be that. But I love you no less. Since I was 20, I have loved you. I have watched you change over the years, and I love the differences I have seen, the small lines in your face, the tiny bit of gray in your hair. I love the kindness and generosity you can demonstrate, I love your optimism, but I also love your terrible manners, your lack of consideration, your immaturity. You are flawed, as everyone is, and I love that.
Had you bothered to listen, I would have told you that I cannot tolerate anymore of your indecision. You say you want to be alone, you say you feel little or nothing for me, and the you reach for me in the night and will not let me go. You behave as though I belong to you when we are together in public, yet push me away from you when your friends are present. You either want me or your don’t. You don’t seem to know, and that must be enough of a decision. But you have to respect that, you must accept it, and you must not push your indecision back on me and blame me for your own failings.
I have perhaps behaved badly, but you must understand that you have also been at fault. Yesterday, you left me to entertain your friends while you went off and amused yourself, expecting that I would then pick you up and bring you home. You seem to have expected me to behave like a perfect hostess, even though these people could never be satisfied with anything I had to offer them, and behaved badly themselves. You have imposed upon me, you have imposed upon my hospitality, and you managed to chose the worst possible day to do it. I don’t know what you expected me to do. Yesterday, you seemed to think I need do nothing. Today, you berated me for not doing enough. I don’t know what you want, and I can no longer afford to care.
You accuse me of being melodramatic whenever I try to explain myself. You belittle my feelings, and pass them off as irrational foolishness. But emotions and feelings are not always rational. It need not make perfect logical sense to feel one way or another to be a valid feeling. You refuse to accept that sometimes I hurt in ways you can perhaps not understand, and that this is normal and acceptable. If you had bothered to listen with openness and acceptance, perhaps you could have understood.
I have simple desires. I want to be loved, I want to feel safe, I want to be listened to and accepted for what I am, inspite of my flaws. I want someone to care for, to make breakfast for, to hold when they are sad or unwell. I want someone I can watch grow old and love more with each new wrinkle and each new gray hair. These are very simple things, and had you bothered to truly listen, you would have known this. You would have known that all I lacked from you was decision. It was your inability to make a decision and stand by it with your actions that has led me to this final break.
I meant what I said. I have nothing more to say to you. This is all, and I have nothing left to give and no need to explain. You have finally hurt me beyond reconciliation. And yet I love you no less. Tonight, I will grieve for that love. I will grieve for the hurt we have caused each other, and for the time wasted in a hopeless pursuit. Tomorrow, I will begin again, and carry on with life, without you in it."
If I had the courage to say what I have writen, if I had the courage to send it to him, this is how I would have explained myself to the idiot boy:
"I do love you. I wish I had had the chance to tell you, but I love you. It doesn't change things in the least. In fact, it makes it all that much simpler. I cannot, I will not, wait any longer.
Before yesterday, I thought I could give you time. You don’t know what it is to love. You kept telling me that you could’t give me what I wanted, but when did you ever ask what I wanted? When did you ever listen? Have you any idea how much time you have spent telling me what you wanted? Telling me all of the ways in which I failed to meet your adbusrd expectations? You want perfection. You want a woman who is never sad, who never makes a false step. You want a vapid, simple, fool of a creature who will not challenge you and who will never offer you fulfillment.
I leave you to her. I can never be that. I have no desire to be that. But I love you no less. Since I was 20, I have loved you. I have watched you change over the years, and I love the differences I have seen, the small lines in your face, the tiny bit of gray in your hair. I love the kindness and generosity you can demonstrate, I love your optimism, but I also love your terrible manners, your lack of consideration, your immaturity. You are flawed, as everyone is, and I love that.
Had you bothered to listen, I would have told you that I cannot tolerate anymore of your indecision. You say you want to be alone, you say you feel little or nothing for me, and the you reach for me in the night and will not let me go. You behave as though I belong to you when we are together in public, yet push me away from you when your friends are present. You either want me or your don’t. You don’t seem to know, and that must be enough of a decision. But you have to respect that, you must accept it, and you must not push your indecision back on me and blame me for your own failings.
I have perhaps behaved badly, but you must understand that you have also been at fault. Yesterday, you left me to entertain your friends while you went off and amused yourself, expecting that I would then pick you up and bring you home. You seem to have expected me to behave like a perfect hostess, even though these people could never be satisfied with anything I had to offer them, and behaved badly themselves. You have imposed upon me, you have imposed upon my hospitality, and you managed to chose the worst possible day to do it. I don’t know what you expected me to do. Yesterday, you seemed to think I need do nothing. Today, you berated me for not doing enough. I don’t know what you want, and I can no longer afford to care.
You accuse me of being melodramatic whenever I try to explain myself. You belittle my feelings, and pass them off as irrational foolishness. But emotions and feelings are not always rational. It need not make perfect logical sense to feel one way or another to be a valid feeling. You refuse to accept that sometimes I hurt in ways you can perhaps not understand, and that this is normal and acceptable. If you had bothered to listen with openness and acceptance, perhaps you could have understood.
I have simple desires. I want to be loved, I want to feel safe, I want to be listened to and accepted for what I am, inspite of my flaws. I want someone to care for, to make breakfast for, to hold when they are sad or unwell. I want someone I can watch grow old and love more with each new wrinkle and each new gray hair. These are very simple things, and had you bothered to truly listen, you would have known this. You would have known that all I lacked from you was decision. It was your inability to make a decision and stand by it with your actions that has led me to this final break.
I meant what I said. I have nothing more to say to you. This is all, and I have nothing left to give and no need to explain. You have finally hurt me beyond reconciliation. And yet I love you no less. Tonight, I will grieve for that love. I will grieve for the hurt we have caused each other, and for the time wasted in a hopeless pursuit. Tomorrow, I will begin again, and carry on with life, without you in it."
Friday, December 10, 2004
Twarted once again!
My attempt to get a potted live type Christmas tree has been thwarted. I officially give up. Everyplace that has them either closes at 6:30 or only has the little tony 10 inch tall ones. The whole idea here was to get a respectable sized tree for the house that Dad could plant in the backyard after the holiday. Sort of a dual-purpose Christmas present. But because I didn't go last week when I was off work I don't have any hope of getting to a decent hardware store or nursery until some weekend after Christmas. It's a pain in the butt.
Anyhow, tonight I'll just get a little tree at Safeway when I get my groceries. Hopefully I can find a nice tree for Dad on line someplace or at a nursery near where he lives. Most of the on line places I have found either don't ship to California or won't ship the tree until sometime between February 14th and June 10th (nice and specific date range, that). Hopefully the nursery people in his area would know what sort of evergreen or pine will do well, the last one either got eaten by gophers or just didn't like the environment there. Who knows.
So my mission for this evening is to get food for the weekend (why, oh why have I turned into an insane Martha Stewart style hostess person?!), find a tree, bring up the Christmas decorations, finish cleaning the living room and sewing room, vacuum, wash my sheets, and clean the bathroom. How glamorous. Oh, and I have to pack up everything I'm going to need for Dickens this weekend into a compact bus-sized package. Thrilling. I'm supposed to be going to a housewarming party but that's just not going to happen at this rate. *sigh* There will be time for fun tomorrow.
I would also like to point out that Christmas time is the worst time ever to be a contractor. No parties, no bonus, and everyone else is running around talking about how the wad of cash they just got or how wonderful the party was or whatever, and I'm stuck here working and eating potatoes. Not that I'm bitter or anything...
Anyhow, tonight I'll just get a little tree at Safeway when I get my groceries. Hopefully I can find a nice tree for Dad on line someplace or at a nursery near where he lives. Most of the on line places I have found either don't ship to California or won't ship the tree until sometime between February 14th and June 10th (nice and specific date range, that). Hopefully the nursery people in his area would know what sort of evergreen or pine will do well, the last one either got eaten by gophers or just didn't like the environment there. Who knows.
So my mission for this evening is to get food for the weekend (why, oh why have I turned into an insane Martha Stewart style hostess person?!), find a tree, bring up the Christmas decorations, finish cleaning the living room and sewing room, vacuum, wash my sheets, and clean the bathroom. How glamorous. Oh, and I have to pack up everything I'm going to need for Dickens this weekend into a compact bus-sized package. Thrilling. I'm supposed to be going to a housewarming party but that's just not going to happen at this rate. *sigh* There will be time for fun tomorrow.
I would also like to point out that Christmas time is the worst time ever to be a contractor. No parties, no bonus, and everyone else is running around talking about how the wad of cash they just got or how wonderful the party was or whatever, and I'm stuck here working and eating potatoes. Not that I'm bitter or anything...
Thursday, December 09, 2004
I love my job!
Today I found a recipe for caffeinated meatloaf. Not just for the PC EZ-Bake either!
Here also is a cute picture of Thena and I on the gondola at the Venetian. Guiseppe, our gondolier, was very charming.
I completely forgot that I was overcome but some sort of mad hostess urge and invited something like 5 people, not including the boy (who seems no longer to be in the house guest category somehow), to crash at my house this weekend after Dickens. I was clearly insane at the time, but there it is. So tonight I need to clean my living room, sewing room, and probably the bathroom so that people can be in my home. The boy has apparently caught this mad hostess disease, and today decided that he would try to bring breakfast for everyone. It's very sweet but rather disconcerting for some reason.
I flat out refuse to make pancakes for 7 people on Sunday morning. Coffee, maybe, pancakes or omelets, no way. Although I could probably do a nice fritatta without too much trouble if I manage to get some grocery shopping at some point...
Ack! I've turned into Martha Stewart!
Here also is a cute picture of Thena and I on the gondola at the Venetian. Guiseppe, our gondolier, was very charming.
I completely forgot that I was overcome but some sort of mad hostess urge and invited something like 5 people, not including the boy (who seems no longer to be in the house guest category somehow), to crash at my house this weekend after Dickens. I was clearly insane at the time, but there it is. So tonight I need to clean my living room, sewing room, and probably the bathroom so that people can be in my home. The boy has apparently caught this mad hostess disease, and today decided that he would try to bring breakfast for everyone. It's very sweet but rather disconcerting for some reason.
I flat out refuse to make pancakes for 7 people on Sunday morning. Coffee, maybe, pancakes or omelets, no way. Although I could probably do a nice fritatta without too much trouble if I manage to get some grocery shopping at some point...
Ack! I've turned into Martha Stewart!
But what is normal anyway?
I've finally finished the first sleeve for my wool version of the Rowan Hope sweater! I'm so very glad to have this over with. Last night I decided to just sit and drink tea and knit while I watched Sex in the City and that Gillian's Island show (embarrassing, but it's like watching a train wreck, you can't drag yourself away). It turns out that I had made a mistake in reading the (rather poorly written and cryptic) sleeve directions so I had to rip back some but it wasn't too much, and I got the sleeve done this morning on the way in to work. If the light holds out I should be able to at least cast on the second sleeve tonight on the way home. Maybe I'll get this thing done before Christmas after all!
Things are moving along nicely with the law school applications too. I have all but one of them filled out, and all of the ones with waived fees went out in todays mail. I don't feel that great about my essays, but at this point I just don't care anymore. It's impossible to say anything really meaningful in 500 words or less. For some stupid reason Boston College wants to know what my high school class rank was. I have no idea why. Tracking this down is going to be a huge pain in the butt. It's been years, I don't have my transcript anymore, and the school has probably put it in deep-freeze by now. Oh well. It seems like most of the application process is duplicating what's already on the LDAS report, which I don't get at all, but oh well. I'll get the rest of these things sent out next week and the whole thing will be totally out of my hands.
It's the lack of control part of this whole process that I'm having the most trouble with. I already doubt my own ability to be competitive, knowing that there is not one little thing I can do to influence the admissions people one way or another once I've got these things sent out is just unbearable. I just have to keep telling myself I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it someone will like me. It's a statistical impossibility to do as well as I did on the LSAT and not get in anywhere. Ok, my undergrad GPA could have been better, my essay could be more moving, I could have done more volunteer work (they don't give you enough space to write about that at all either), but I've done my best and my records will just have to speak for themselves. Ack.
Things are moving along nicely with the law school applications too. I have all but one of them filled out, and all of the ones with waived fees went out in todays mail. I don't feel that great about my essays, but at this point I just don't care anymore. It's impossible to say anything really meaningful in 500 words or less. For some stupid reason Boston College wants to know what my high school class rank was. I have no idea why. Tracking this down is going to be a huge pain in the butt. It's been years, I don't have my transcript anymore, and the school has probably put it in deep-freeze by now. Oh well. It seems like most of the application process is duplicating what's already on the LDAS report, which I don't get at all, but oh well. I'll get the rest of these things sent out next week and the whole thing will be totally out of my hands.
It's the lack of control part of this whole process that I'm having the most trouble with. I already doubt my own ability to be competitive, knowing that there is not one little thing I can do to influence the admissions people one way or another once I've got these things sent out is just unbearable. I just have to keep telling myself I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it someone will like me. It's a statistical impossibility to do as well as I did on the LSAT and not get in anywhere. Ok, my undergrad GPA could have been better, my essay could be more moving, I could have done more volunteer work (they don't give you enough space to write about that at all either), but I've done my best and my records will just have to speak for themselves. Ack.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Huh
I'm finding my lack of projects very disconcerting. Altering so many things to get done, having nothing in particular that I need to do is kind of freaking me out. I'm actually creating work for myself. It's absurd. For example, I'm currently tossing around the idea of making a ball gown bodice for my Mrs. Gaskell dress to wear to the Gaskell Ball next weekend. The dress will work just fine as it is, but apparently this lack of frantic sewing just isn't working out for me.
I'm clearly insane.
I actually have no major projects to worry about until after Christmas. Hallelujah! After that, I have a couple of things to do with OES and Rainbow people, a bit of work to do on a Queen Suit for a Renaissance Fair, and that's it. I've pretty much decided that I am sick of sewing for other people on the current set of terms. Having to travel all over the place to deliver stuff and do fittings is just stupid, and a huge waste of my precious vacation time (never mind money). Wedding gowns actually seem like a good idea in comparison.
Anyway, this weekend is shaping up to be a full one (even more so than usual!). Friday I am supposed to be at a house-warming party, Saturday I'm in the corset window again and the Costumers Guild is coming to Dickens, people are crashing at my house Saturday night which will result in wine-soaked debauchery to be sure, and Sunday some of the OES folks are coming out to fair. It should be fun. I'm actually looking forward to it!
I'm clearly insane.
I actually have no major projects to worry about until after Christmas. Hallelujah! After that, I have a couple of things to do with OES and Rainbow people, a bit of work to do on a Queen Suit for a Renaissance Fair, and that's it. I've pretty much decided that I am sick of sewing for other people on the current set of terms. Having to travel all over the place to deliver stuff and do fittings is just stupid, and a huge waste of my precious vacation time (never mind money). Wedding gowns actually seem like a good idea in comparison.
Anyway, this weekend is shaping up to be a full one (even more so than usual!). Friday I am supposed to be at a house-warming party, Saturday I'm in the corset window again and the Costumers Guild is coming to Dickens, people are crashing at my house Saturday night which will result in wine-soaked debauchery to be sure, and Sunday some of the OES folks are coming out to fair. It should be fun. I'm actually looking forward to it!
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Project update...
I updated my project page for the convention. You can see at least the finished peices here.
Ugh
Well, I'm back. Everything got done, everyone liked their dresses, and I swear if I can help it I'm never doing this again. Sewing my fingers to the bone for a week for other people and then going to an event at which one has a miserable time is just not worth the effort.
The event itself was not that much fun. I spent most of the time either feeling like crap, being berated for things I have no recollection of doing or no control over, or sewing (all of which was made so much better by ill-fitting corsets and a missing direct deposit). I did have fun in Vegas itself, once we decided to bail on the convention and visit some of the casinos. The roller coaster at New York New York is fun, the gondola at the Venetian was great, if only I had put more effort into being in Vegas and less into stupid dresses it would have been a great weekend. Oh well.
The one bright spot in the whole thing is that Thena took 3rd place in the ladies costume contest with the dress I made. I can't take too much credit for this, as a large part of the competition has to do with your presentation rather than the gown, but it was nice to feel a bit vindicated after having such a crap time.
I am very much looking forward to spending the next weeks worth of evenings not sewing. I have some script work to do for Dickens, a second corset window to get together for this Saturday (I got major kudos on the first one, which was a nice treat this morning I must say), and serious amounts of cleaning to do in my sewing area, all of which is very do-able and will be somewhat relaxing even. My only real goal for the week is get my law school applications out, getting that out of the way will free me up to have a nice nervous collapse without having to worry about missing any deadlines.
Anyway, pictures from the trip and of the dresses are forthcoming.
The event itself was not that much fun. I spent most of the time either feeling like crap, being berated for things I have no recollection of doing or no control over, or sewing (all of which was made so much better by ill-fitting corsets and a missing direct deposit). I did have fun in Vegas itself, once we decided to bail on the convention and visit some of the casinos. The roller coaster at New York New York is fun, the gondola at the Venetian was great, if only I had put more effort into being in Vegas and less into stupid dresses it would have been a great weekend. Oh well.
The one bright spot in the whole thing is that Thena took 3rd place in the ladies costume contest with the dress I made. I can't take too much credit for this, as a large part of the competition has to do with your presentation rather than the gown, but it was nice to feel a bit vindicated after having such a crap time.
I am very much looking forward to spending the next weeks worth of evenings not sewing. I have some script work to do for Dickens, a second corset window to get together for this Saturday (I got major kudos on the first one, which was a nice treat this morning I must say), and serious amounts of cleaning to do in my sewing area, all of which is very do-able and will be somewhat relaxing even. My only real goal for the week is get my law school applications out, getting that out of the way will free me up to have a nice nervous collapse without having to worry about missing any deadlines.
Anyway, pictures from the trip and of the dresses are forthcoming.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Plugging away
Well, the weekend went pretty well. Dickens opened, I modeled in the corset window, and nothing broke or fell off or had a major malfunction. Overall, it was very sucessfull.
I've got the whole week off work to get ready for the SASS convention. I've gotten a whole lot done already! As long as I don't get too relaxed about it I should be a great shape on Thursday when I fly out of here.
My one big fear at this point is that I'm getting a cold or something. It's absolutly freezing in my house, so this could just be a reaction to the cold, but I don't feel that great and I've been running myself pretty well in to the ground. As long as the cold waits until Sunday, that's all I ask.
I've got the whole week off work to get ready for the SASS convention. I've gotten a whole lot done already! As long as I don't get too relaxed about it I should be a great shape on Thursday when I fly out of here.
My one big fear at this point is that I'm getting a cold or something. It's absolutly freezing in my house, so this could just be a reaction to the cold, but I don't feel that great and I've been running myself pretty well in to the ground. As long as the cold waits until Sunday, that's all I ask.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Don't panic, don't panic...
There is something to be said for being the first person in the office in the morning. I'm not all together sure what it is, but there must be something.
I've been here since 7:45. At least I didn't have to compete with anyone for the espresso machine. And we'll be able to leave by 5 which means I should be able to get some decent work in tonight.
I'm still feeling somewhat despondent about poverty and my current state of affairs, but getting to see the boy, however briefly, last night rather helped. I don't quite know why he has this power to make me feel better about life but he does.
Anyway, today is my last day at work before my Vegas trip. I have a huge amount of sewing to get done in the next week, but I should be able to get everything finished. At least the work for other people will get done, my own dress can wait if need be. I can always wear my pink and black ball gown if it comes to that.
I also have a huge amount of work to get done here, but it just seems sort of pointless and I'm having a very hard time focusing on anything. I need sleep! Hopefully I will do some of this tonight and Thursday night. Of course, I really do need to get up at a somewhat reasonable hour tomorrow, get some exercise in before I start sewing, and get some sewing in before I head my friends for dinner. Friday will be dedicated to sewing and a long post-turkey walk. Hopefully I will also have time to update my blog and post pictures of things as they get completed.
The good news is that I'm modeling corsets on Saturday at Dickens. I don't know why I'm so excited about this, but there it is. I have a fabulous window worked out involving guns, a cowboy, and a wanted poster. We just haven't worked out who is arresting who yet.
I've been here since 7:45. At least I didn't have to compete with anyone for the espresso machine. And we'll be able to leave by 5 which means I should be able to get some decent work in tonight.
I'm still feeling somewhat despondent about poverty and my current state of affairs, but getting to see the boy, however briefly, last night rather helped. I don't quite know why he has this power to make me feel better about life but he does.
Anyway, today is my last day at work before my Vegas trip. I have a huge amount of sewing to get done in the next week, but I should be able to get everything finished. At least the work for other people will get done, my own dress can wait if need be. I can always wear my pink and black ball gown if it comes to that.
I also have a huge amount of work to get done here, but it just seems sort of pointless and I'm having a very hard time focusing on anything. I need sleep! Hopefully I will do some of this tonight and Thursday night. Of course, I really do need to get up at a somewhat reasonable hour tomorrow, get some exercise in before I start sewing, and get some sewing in before I head my friends for dinner. Friday will be dedicated to sewing and a long post-turkey walk. Hopefully I will also have time to update my blog and post pictures of things as they get completed.
The good news is that I'm modeling corsets on Saturday at Dickens. I don't know why I'm so excited about this, but there it is. I have a fabulous window worked out involving guns, a cowboy, and a wanted poster. We just haven't worked out who is arresting who yet.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Ever so tired
I'm tired of being poor, tired of being cold, tired of being alone and confused, and mostly just tired. I wish I didn't have to do all of this sewing. I supposedly have this great job, and yet I am still broke and have to sew dresses to make ends meet. How is that right? Of course, after being unemployed for so long, the bills racked up, so it's kind of too be expected that there would be a catch-up period, it's just highly frustrating that that period has to be around the holidays. I want to buy presents for people! I want shoes! Really, groceries would be nice too, but that's not so important given that we have free lunch and tons of food at work.
And I hate that I'm only contracting here. I try so hard not to worry about it, and to tell myself that I'm doing great work and they like me, and they won't shuck me at any moment, but after the last few years of this sort of thing it's hard to believe that. I just can't help waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don't really get why I'm so exhausted. It makes things so much harder to deal with. For example, the boy. I want to run into arms and bury myself there and pour out everything I'm feeling and beg him to love me, or at least see if he can. Sometimes he starts to say these things that give me such hope, but then we've both been reading too much Dickens et. al. and probably not getting enough sleep, so reality is a bit skewed. It just makes me so sad, yet so hopeful. These novels really are filled with nothing but Very Bad Role Models and I should stop reading them when I'm vulnerable and sleepy and kind of panicky.
If stomping my foot and pouting would help any, I'd be doing it.
And I hate that I'm only contracting here. I try so hard not to worry about it, and to tell myself that I'm doing great work and they like me, and they won't shuck me at any moment, but after the last few years of this sort of thing it's hard to believe that. I just can't help waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I don't really get why I'm so exhausted. It makes things so much harder to deal with. For example, the boy. I want to run into arms and bury myself there and pour out everything I'm feeling and beg him to love me, or at least see if he can. Sometimes he starts to say these things that give me such hope, but then we've both been reading too much Dickens et. al. and probably not getting enough sleep, so reality is a bit skewed. It just makes me so sad, yet so hopeful. These novels really are filled with nothing but Very Bad Role Models and I should stop reading them when I'm vulnerable and sleepy and kind of panicky.
If stomping my foot and pouting would help any, I'd be doing it.
Pictures!
Ok, I didn't take enough pictures at the tea. I think I'm still adjusting to the realities of a digital camera. Being able to take all the pictures I want without fear of running out of film is kind of strange.
Here's what I did get!
I accomplished absolutly nothing yesterday after work. Oh well. By the time I got home all I was able to do was re-pack my stuff for Dickens this weekend and watch Stargate before passing out. At least I'm feeling more rested today, I should be able to get some stuff done tonight.
The good news is that the crazy blue dress is almost done. I did a fitting on Saturday and things looked pretty good. I have a couple of small aterations to make on the bust darts, and a bunch of finish work, and I can put this one aside and get going on everything else. My plan for Wednesday is to make the alterations I need to make, and finish the bodice edges. That will leave me with buttons, draping the train puffs, and making the inset peice for the bodice, plus a few hooks and eyes and last minute hand work things. I should be able to do all that Thursday before I head over to a friends for Thanksgiving dinner. Tonight I won't get anything much done, as I'm taking the boy to the airport after work.
I accomplished absolutly nothing yesterday after work. Oh well. By the time I got home all I was able to do was re-pack my stuff for Dickens this weekend and watch Stargate before passing out. At least I'm feeling more rested today, I should be able to get some stuff done tonight.
The good news is that the crazy blue dress is almost done. I did a fitting on Saturday and things looked pretty good. I have a couple of small aterations to make on the bust darts, and a bunch of finish work, and I can put this one aside and get going on everything else. My plan for Wednesday is to make the alterations I need to make, and finish the bodice edges. That will leave me with buttons, draping the train puffs, and making the inset peice for the bodice, plus a few hooks and eyes and last minute hand work things. I should be able to do all that Thursday before I head over to a friends for Thanksgiving dinner. Tonight I won't get anything much done, as I'm taking the boy to the airport after work.
Monday, November 22, 2004
I don't feel matronly
Very successful weekend! The installation went off beautifully, breakfast with my parents was lovely, the tea was lovely, and dress rehearsals are over! Yay! I got very little sleep, but had a grand time so it was ok. I haven't got my camera so I can't upload pictures today, but here are my remarks from Friday night. Maybe it'll make some kind of sense to someone else...
"I am often asked, when running out of the office with a formal in one hand my ritual in the other, what exactly I get out of this organization, apart from a staggering collection of formals and old wedding gowns. I usually respond with something along the line of 'many opportunities to work for different charities, and about 50 extra mom's and a few deputy aunts and uncles.'
What we come here for is really family. A family we have chosen for ourselves, but that will love and support us no less than that we were born to. Here, we have dozens of sisters and brothers to look after us when we need it, to share our triumphs with, and reach out to in times of need or sorrow.
We come from many different backgrounds, but our traditions and rituals give us common ground and a place to share and celebrate our differences. The obligation that we all took at our alter binds us together as surely as bonds of birth and blood. Wherever we go in the world, we have but to find a chapter and we will be in the arms of family, surrounded by love.
That is what I come for here, and what I hope I can share with all of you, my sisters and brothers, in the coming year. Through any crisis that I have faced in the last few years, I have known that all would be well, for help and comfort were to be found here. Just as my parents would not let me fail, neither would any of you, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Our motto for this year is 'Find something good in each day, then give it to others.' I hope that, in the next year, we can all take these words to heart and make a real difference in each others lives. Take every opportunity to share the love, friendship, and joy that we find here with everyone you meet."
"I am often asked, when running out of the office with a formal in one hand my ritual in the other, what exactly I get out of this organization, apart from a staggering collection of formals and old wedding gowns. I usually respond with something along the line of 'many opportunities to work for different charities, and about 50 extra mom's and a few deputy aunts and uncles.'
What we come here for is really family. A family we have chosen for ourselves, but that will love and support us no less than that we were born to. Here, we have dozens of sisters and brothers to look after us when we need it, to share our triumphs with, and reach out to in times of need or sorrow.
We come from many different backgrounds, but our traditions and rituals give us common ground and a place to share and celebrate our differences. The obligation that we all took at our alter binds us together as surely as bonds of birth and blood. Wherever we go in the world, we have but to find a chapter and we will be in the arms of family, surrounded by love.
That is what I come for here, and what I hope I can share with all of you, my sisters and brothers, in the coming year. Through any crisis that I have faced in the last few years, I have known that all would be well, for help and comfort were to be found here. Just as my parents would not let me fail, neither would any of you, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Our motto for this year is 'Find something good in each day, then give it to others.' I hope that, in the next year, we can all take these words to heart and make a real difference in each others lives. Take every opportunity to share the love, friendship, and joy that we find here with everyone you meet."
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Ugh
I fell asleep at 9:30 last night. How sad is that? At least I got some work done on one of the SASS dresses. Check out my progress!
My Worthy Matron dress finally showed up on Tuesday afternoon. It's very simple, but elegant, and I actually like it. It's a very very pale pink color, so I think I'm going to get a sash or something to brighten it up a bit. Maybe in a smoky lavender color or something, it kind of depends on what I can find at Britex tomorrow morning. It even fits well. A bit snug, but it should be fine and I shouldn't have to take it in any when I lose these last few pounds.
I'm trying to avoid freaking out about tomorrow. Everything seems to be under control, strangely enough, so it's just a matter of keeping focused, breathing, and having a good time. I have a list of things I have to do before I get to the lodge, it's all very manageable, and my family and the boy will be there to cheer me on so it should be good. As long as I remember to write my remarks I'll be fine. Maybe I can do that this morning while I'm feeling fairly calm and centered.
On the knitting front, for some stupid reason I took the Hope sleeve out of my work bag so I have made very little progress on that in the last week. It's back though, and I'm almost done with the first sleeve. Sleeves usually go pretty quickly. I am really looking forward to this being finished. It's cold and I need a sweater. Especially once Dickens starts and I'm running around mornings in my corset and drawers.
My Worthy Matron dress finally showed up on Tuesday afternoon. It's very simple, but elegant, and I actually like it. It's a very very pale pink color, so I think I'm going to get a sash or something to brighten it up a bit. Maybe in a smoky lavender color or something, it kind of depends on what I can find at Britex tomorrow morning. It even fits well. A bit snug, but it should be fine and I shouldn't have to take it in any when I lose these last few pounds.
I'm trying to avoid freaking out about tomorrow. Everything seems to be under control, strangely enough, so it's just a matter of keeping focused, breathing, and having a good time. I have a list of things I have to do before I get to the lodge, it's all very manageable, and my family and the boy will be there to cheer me on so it should be good. As long as I remember to write my remarks I'll be fine. Maybe I can do that this morning while I'm feeling fairly calm and centered.
On the knitting front, for some stupid reason I took the Hope sleeve out of my work bag so I have made very little progress on that in the last week. It's back though, and I'm almost done with the first sleeve. Sleeves usually go pretty quickly. I am really looking forward to this being finished. It's cold and I need a sweater. Especially once Dickens starts and I'm running around mornings in my corset and drawers.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Trudging onward...
I seem to be making progress! Last night I got all the buttonholes and buttons on to my underthings (drawers, chemise, combinations, and undersleeves), cut out the blue dress train lining, and made and attached the dust-ruffle for the blue SASS dress. All I have left to do on the underskirt is to hand sew the hem facing down, attach it to waistband, and drape the lace overlay. Which is an easy bit of work and will hopefully get done tonight.
If I can just keep head down and keep plowing through stuff, I'll be fine. It's when I look around myself at the massive heap of things to do that I kind of flip out. I must focus on what has been done, not what remained to be done, and all will be well.
As if the pile of things to do wasn't big enough as it is, I found out yesterday that my newest housemate is going to be moving out at the end of December. This is highly annoying, especially since I passed up a different applicant for this guy who would probably not have 1 - becomes a recluse, and 2 - decided to move out in 2 months. But oh well. I was planning on moving at the end of January or so anyway, this just kind of steps up the whole thing for me. I'm now aiming to go in mid-January. I can swing extra rent for a couple of weeks if I need to and getting out and moved sooner rather than latter is always a good thing. I just don't relish the idea of apartment hunting right now.
It's a big stinky pain in the ass, is all.
Stupid link for today:
The Wu-Tang name generator
I'm either "Embryonic Crusadah" or "Flailing Fanatical Killer." Huh.
I freely admit this is an old site, but it's still amusing.
If I can just keep head down and keep plowing through stuff, I'll be fine. It's when I look around myself at the massive heap of things to do that I kind of flip out. I must focus on what has been done, not what remained to be done, and all will be well.
As if the pile of things to do wasn't big enough as it is, I found out yesterday that my newest housemate is going to be moving out at the end of December. This is highly annoying, especially since I passed up a different applicant for this guy who would probably not have 1 - becomes a recluse, and 2 - decided to move out in 2 months. But oh well. I was planning on moving at the end of January or so anyway, this just kind of steps up the whole thing for me. I'm now aiming to go in mid-January. I can swing extra rent for a couple of weeks if I need to and getting out and moved sooner rather than latter is always a good thing. I just don't relish the idea of apartment hunting right now.
It's a big stinky pain in the ass, is all.
Stupid link for today:
The Wu-Tang name generator
I'm either "Embryonic Crusadah" or "Flailing Fanatical Killer." Huh.
I freely admit this is an old site, but it's still amusing.
Monday, November 15, 2004
Ready for Fair! I think...
Overall, I had a very productive weekend. My costumes for Dickens Fair are completely done, except for some buttons holes on the underwear and my undersleeves.
I accomplished the following this weekend:
Oy. I did get a lot done. Of course, I got nothing done at all on any of my SASS projects, but now that I have all the little Dickens things out of the way I can focus on that without panicking about costume approval and dress rehearsal this coming weekend. The only thing I need to do for Dickens this week is the buttonholes on the underthings, and find some lace to make a collar for Mrs. G. She can live without for a weekend if she has too, so that's not a huge crisis.
My main goals for this week are:
This should leave me in good shape for the weekend. Friday will be a total wash, since that's my Installation, but I have four nights to get these things done. Hopefully this is manageable. I figure each task will be an evening's worth of work, and I can always deal with my Installation dress on Friday (sounds like a guaranteed panic attack to me, but what else can you do?). Saturday is the Buccaneers Tea, and Sunday is dress rehearsal, but I hold out hope for getting some work done this weekend as well.
In non-fabric related areas of life (yes, there are some, it's a miracle!), the boy has pneumonia and I've been having major panic attacks. Between the two of us we barely make one functional person. It's sort of pathetic. Actually, I'm worried about him. He won't let me go down there and help him this week because I'm overwhelmed as it is, which is very sweet and all but for crap sake, what good am I if I'm not there in his hour of need or whatever? At least he's getting better and taking it easy so he can recover. Sleep seems to solve a whole number of problems.
I accomplished the following this weekend:
- One set of combination underwear
- One pair of drawers
- One chemise
- One set of undersleeves and matching collar
- Alterations on wool dress for Bella Wilfer
- New bodice for Mrs. G.
- Red flannel petticoat to wear under hoops
- Reduced circumference of hoops to fit under wool dress (and also to avoid sucking up small children and other detritus)
- rehearsal for Installation
- Carry-in and corsage assembly for Installation
- Semi-audition and rehearsal for Bella Wilfer part
Oy. I did get a lot done. Of course, I got nothing done at all on any of my SASS projects, but now that I have all the little Dickens things out of the way I can focus on that without panicking about costume approval and dress rehearsal this coming weekend. The only thing I need to do for Dickens this week is the buttonholes on the underthings, and find some lace to make a collar for Mrs. G. She can live without for a weekend if she has too, so that's not a huge crisis.
My main goals for this week are:
1. Hem and finish the blue dress skirt
2. Line and assemble the blue dress bodice
3. Cut out the white underskirt
4. Assemble the Madame X underskirt
5. Fix up my Installation dress, if it ever gets here
This should leave me in good shape for the weekend. Friday will be a total wash, since that's my Installation, but I have four nights to get these things done. Hopefully this is manageable. I figure each task will be an evening's worth of work, and I can always deal with my Installation dress on Friday (sounds like a guaranteed panic attack to me, but what else can you do?). Saturday is the Buccaneers Tea, and Sunday is dress rehearsal, but I hold out hope for getting some work done this weekend as well.
In non-fabric related areas of life (yes, there are some, it's a miracle!), the boy has pneumonia and I've been having major panic attacks. Between the two of us we barely make one functional person. It's sort of pathetic. Actually, I'm worried about him. He won't let me go down there and help him this week because I'm overwhelmed as it is, which is very sweet and all but for crap sake, what good am I if I'm not there in his hour of need or whatever? At least he's getting better and taking it easy so he can recover. Sleep seems to solve a whole number of problems.
Friday, November 12, 2004
I must have gone mad
Why am I so conflicted about taking this part? I'm not at all unhappy with my role as Mrs. G, in fact, I really like it, which is probably part of the problem, but being able to play young and pretty just once would be awfully nice. Of course, young and pretty and a bit of a money grubbing bitch presents it's own issues. Some people at these events don't make a very clear distinction between what you do as a character and what you do as an actual person.
I think I'm just too overwhelmed to make clear and rational decisions at the moment. Oh well. I should be able to get some sleep tonight, so maybe that will help.
Of course, what I really want to do is talk to the boy about it all and bounce ideas off him. I probably won't get to do that this weekend though, which is a whole other set of frustrations and confusion.
Anyhow, here are the pictures of my 1869 corset. The pattern is Ageless Patterns #1033. It's quite comfortable actually, and not any more difficult to make than any other corset. The bust and hip gores are massive for the modern figure though, so if you decide to tackle this be aware that these gores will require some serious adjustment.
Last night, I got the blue tail bodice cut out (check out my project page for more information and the sketch), ran into a snag with the muslin I was going to use to line the tail part, and cut out new combinations, drawers, and a chemise for myself. All in all, I'm not doing too badly with my goals for the week, but I'm not feeling exactly good about them either. I'll just have to buckle down and blow through some things tonight.
I think I'm just too overwhelmed to make clear and rational decisions at the moment. Oh well. I should be able to get some sleep tonight, so maybe that will help.
Of course, what I really want to do is talk to the boy about it all and bounce ideas off him. I probably won't get to do that this weekend though, which is a whole other set of frustrations and confusion.
Anyhow, here are the pictures of my 1869 corset. The pattern is Ageless Patterns #1033. It's quite comfortable actually, and not any more difficult to make than any other corset. The bust and hip gores are massive for the modern figure though, so if you decide to tackle this be aware that these gores will require some serious adjustment.
Last night, I got the blue tail bodice cut out (check out my project page for more information and the sketch), ran into a snag with the muslin I was going to use to line the tail part, and cut out new combinations, drawers, and a chemise for myself. All in all, I'm not doing too badly with my goals for the week, but I'm not feeling exactly good about them either. I'll just have to buckle down and blow through some things tonight.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
A dilemma or two...
I have been offered a role, other than Mrs. Gaskell, at Dickens that I have wanted to play for years (Bella Wilfer from Our Mutual Friend). It's actually rather exciting to get the chance to do this part, but I am torn. Part of me is reticent because I feel like I'm being asked to do this only because I have lost all that weight, but that seems like a really stupid reason to turn down an opportunity to do something I've wanted to do for a long time. I won't be able to play one of Dickens's sweet young things (ok, Bella Wilfer is hardly sweet, but she is young and pretty and turns out well in the end), for very much longer, and I can do Mrs. G until I'm 73 if I want too, but I don't want to abandon the cast I've been working with either. Ack. What to do?
Tuesday was a total sewing waste, but I did get the corset finished last night. It is, sadly, a bit small. I think I figured out how to make it bigger around the waist next time, but I really don't want to make a 3rd corset right now. Of course, it's brand new and has to get broken in a bit, so it'll probably be fine once I wear it for awhile. It should be ok, and I can always wear the other corset that I have if this one is too unbearable. At least it's pretty. I'm going to try to photograph it tonight.
Tonight I'm going to tackle the blue tail bodice and at least get it cut out. I should be able to do the hem on the skirt and sew the bodice together tomorrow, which will leave me in pretty good shape coming in to the weekend.
The weekend. Eep. If I decide to take this part, I'm going to have to go to workshops Saturday afternoon which kind of sucks, as it will cut dramatically in to my sewing time. At least I'll get to the see the boy if I do that. I'm feeling very uneasy there actually, this whole undefined thing is just not something I can cope with all that well, especially just at the moment. I can't decide if I'm afraid to trust him because of my own issues or because of his past behavior. It's probably a combination of both, but I still don't really know what to do about it. Part of me feels like he's ashamed of me or doesn't want his friends to know there's something going on here, and I'm not really the sort of person to deal well with being relegated to the shadows, but maybe I'm just being paranoid? Or insane as a result of lack of sleep? Or having really bad PMS? God knows. The whole situation is a little absurd. It all feels so good and right when we're together, it's just the times when we're not that drive me nuts. I hate being all insecure and confused.
Tuesday was a total sewing waste, but I did get the corset finished last night. It is, sadly, a bit small. I think I figured out how to make it bigger around the waist next time, but I really don't want to make a 3rd corset right now. Of course, it's brand new and has to get broken in a bit, so it'll probably be fine once I wear it for awhile. It should be ok, and I can always wear the other corset that I have if this one is too unbearable. At least it's pretty. I'm going to try to photograph it tonight.
Tonight I'm going to tackle the blue tail bodice and at least get it cut out. I should be able to do the hem on the skirt and sew the bodice together tomorrow, which will leave me in pretty good shape coming in to the weekend.
The weekend. Eep. If I decide to take this part, I'm going to have to go to workshops Saturday afternoon which kind of sucks, as it will cut dramatically in to my sewing time. At least I'll get to the see the boy if I do that. I'm feeling very uneasy there actually, this whole undefined thing is just not something I can cope with all that well, especially just at the moment. I can't decide if I'm afraid to trust him because of my own issues or because of his past behavior. It's probably a combination of both, but I still don't really know what to do about it. Part of me feels like he's ashamed of me or doesn't want his friends to know there's something going on here, and I'm not really the sort of person to deal well with being relegated to the shadows, but maybe I'm just being paranoid? Or insane as a result of lack of sleep? Or having really bad PMS? God knows. The whole situation is a little absurd. It all feels so good and right when we're together, it's just the times when we're not that drive me nuts. I hate being all insecure and confused.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Tea and a spinning wheel
Suddenly finding myself needing to re-do my corset is very annoying. At least it's almost done. I need to do the eyelets down the back, insert boning, sew down the gusstets, and put on the hem bindings and I'm done. I should be able to get it finished tonight. God willing it will still fit. It's not like I've made any new changes to the pattern, so it should be ok, it just looks freakishly small around the waist. So much the better I suppose, it will keep fitting me once I drop these last 10 pounds.
It's gotten cold and damp rather quickly this year. This sort of weather always makes me yearn for my spinning wheel and a nice pot of tea. Sadly, this is not to be just now. I can't sit and spin for hours and hours until I get some of these projects done.
My goals for this week are:
1 -Finish the replacement corset
2 - Cut out and sew blue ball gown bodice
3 - Finish Mrs. Gaskell's new bodice for the old dress
If I manage all that, which isn't that much, my plan for the weekend is to:
1 - Make alternations on new Mrs. G dress
2 - Finish off blue ball gown
3 - Go on underwear making bender
4 - Cut out blue and yellow reception/day dress
5 - Dress up the WM dress I found on eBay if it shows up in time
Still, I just want to curl up with a book, my cat, the boy, and some tea. That would do more to sooth my frayed nerves than anything else I can think of. Of course, I wouldn't be getting anything done so maybe it's just as well not to think about that...
It's gotten cold and damp rather quickly this year. This sort of weather always makes me yearn for my spinning wheel and a nice pot of tea. Sadly, this is not to be just now. I can't sit and spin for hours and hours until I get some of these projects done.
My goals for this week are:
1 -Finish the replacement corset
2 - Cut out and sew blue ball gown bodice
3 - Finish Mrs. Gaskell's new bodice for the old dress
If I manage all that, which isn't that much, my plan for the weekend is to:
1 - Make alternations on new Mrs. G dress
2 - Finish off blue ball gown
3 - Go on underwear making bender
4 - Cut out blue and yellow reception/day dress
5 - Dress up the WM dress I found on eBay if it shows up in time
Still, I just want to curl up with a book, my cat, the boy, and some tea. That would do more to sooth my frayed nerves than anything else I can think of. Of course, I wouldn't be getting anything done so maybe it's just as well not to think about that...
Monday, November 08, 2004
Vampire Ball!
I had a very strange weekend. Dickens workshops started, I had a pointless trip to the Jessica McClintok outlet in search of a Worthy Matron's dress, and got very stressed out and bitchy for no apparent reason. Sometimes I wonder about myself. I freely admit that I have too much on my plate just now, but it's really no worse than most Novembers. So what's my problem? Maybe it's just that I have no idea which way life will go after the New Year. That, on to of everything else, is just a bit too much. Lack of control is not something I cope well with.
Anyway, I did pick up a rather lovely dress at workshops! It was made by one of the other seamstresses who judges the costume contest, and fits almost perfectly. Yay! It's tight through the bustline, but I figured out a brilliant way to fix it on the way to work this morning. I'm going to make a placket and set in a double row of buttons. Now I just need new buttons and something to use as a placket, and I'm all set. Mrs. Gaskell really should have more than one outfit to run around in. And this one will fit nicely over my hoops. So much the better! I need new undersleeves for this one, but those are fairly easy to put together, and I can sew them in the car if it comes to that.
I did have a rather major corset malfunction at the ball. The 1869 corset that I made was done as an experiment, so I wasn't really expecting it to be without issues, but I didn't count on the fabric I used stretching as much as it did. This in and of itself is not such a problem, but when the corset stretches and your skirt and bodice do not, well, you end up in pain. So I have to re-make the corset a little sooner than I had anticipated. It's all for the good, I can do it up the right way this time (with the twill tape at the waist for one thing!), and smaller (the first version was too big even without the stretching). Luckily it's a pretty fast corset to make, so this shouldn't derail my other projects too badly. And I found a good dress on eBay to use for my Worthy Matron's dress, so things are looking up. I'm less panicked than I was this morning.
Pictures from the ball
Anyway, I did pick up a rather lovely dress at workshops! It was made by one of the other seamstresses who judges the costume contest, and fits almost perfectly. Yay! It's tight through the bustline, but I figured out a brilliant way to fix it on the way to work this morning. I'm going to make a placket and set in a double row of buttons. Now I just need new buttons and something to use as a placket, and I'm all set. Mrs. Gaskell really should have more than one outfit to run around in. And this one will fit nicely over my hoops. So much the better! I need new undersleeves for this one, but those are fairly easy to put together, and I can sew them in the car if it comes to that.
I did have a rather major corset malfunction at the ball. The 1869 corset that I made was done as an experiment, so I wasn't really expecting it to be without issues, but I didn't count on the fabric I used stretching as much as it did. This in and of itself is not such a problem, but when the corset stretches and your skirt and bodice do not, well, you end up in pain. So I have to re-make the corset a little sooner than I had anticipated. It's all for the good, I can do it up the right way this time (with the twill tape at the waist for one thing!), and smaller (the first version was too big even without the stretching). Luckily it's a pretty fast corset to make, so this shouldn't derail my other projects too badly. And I found a good dress on eBay to use for my Worthy Matron's dress, so things are looking up. I'm less panicked than I was this morning.
Friday, November 05, 2004
Shoe lust!
I'm a shoe-whore. I can't help myself.
I must have these lovely boots, and also the ones with the buttons.
Maybe after I have all my applications paid for...
I really should find myself a nice foot fetishist.
I must have these lovely boots, and also the ones with the buttons.
Maybe after I have all my applications paid for...
I really should find myself a nice foot fetishist.
Is it nap time yet?
Last night was not a total wash, though I didn't get as much done as I wanted to. I had forgotten that I needed to pick up some cards and get myself together for an Eastern Star meeting tonight, but still managed to get my Dickens bodice cut out and assembled and make the alterations for one of the ball gown patterns. Once you factor in the panicked card shopping at rite aid and the bleeding all over the place (why do I keep trying to slice my finger off with my shears?), it was a reasonably productive evening.
This weekend I'll get some help fitting the Dickens bodice, and should be able to finish it off Sunday night after workshops. With some luck, I'll also be able to get the ball gown bodice cut out. I'm hoping to get that dress done next week so I can move on to the second client dress and start in on my own gown. As long as I remember to go to crappy joanns for hem tape (black, ecru, and pale blue), I should be in good shape.
Fun link for today:
Which OS are You?
I'm very glad I didn't end up being Windows ME. That would have been embarrassing.
This weekend I'll get some help fitting the Dickens bodice, and should be able to finish it off Sunday night after workshops. With some luck, I'll also be able to get the ball gown bodice cut out. I'm hoping to get that dress done next week so I can move on to the second client dress and start in on my own gown. As long as I remember to go to crappy joanns for hem tape (black, ecru, and pale blue), I should be in good shape.
Fun link for today:
Which OS are You?
I'm very glad I didn't end up being Windows ME. That would have been embarrassing.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Making progress!
I feel like I'm making some good progress with all of my projects for Vegas. Having to get my dress altered/re-done in time for Dickens just makes staying on track that much more critical, but if I keep it up like I did last night I should be in good shape.
So, last night I fixed my 1869 corset (the bust gores needed to be taken in so that I didn't pop out the top of the corset, who would have ever thought I would be taking in the bust of anything?), re-set my Dickens skirt on a new waist-band, and did the pleated ruffle for one of the 3 bustle gowns. That underskirt is basically done, I just need to get some hem tape and then I can finish the skirt off altogether.
Tonight I am going to cut out my new Dickens bodice and the combined bodice and train for the ball gown. That should leave me in good shape for the weekend. With any luck, I'll manage to get over to joanns crap and alleged fabrics to pick up large quantities of hem tape. I really need to start making shopping lists for the fabric store. Making all of these extra trips is just a huge waste of time, and time is not something I can waste just now.
My commute project du jour is a tweedy sweater from Rowan #29 (Hope, on page 25). The original was done in a cotton yarn, but something about doing cables and ribs in cotton just seems stupid to me. Nothing like a cabled cotton sweater if you want a stretched out shapeless mess after one wash (I'm an opinionated knitter, what can I say?). Anyway, I had some angora and wool tweed-like yarn in my stash that I'd been planning on making a cabled sweater out of, and luckily I liked this design and the yarn is at the same gauge. Yay! Of course, I now have twice as much yarn as I really need, partly because I bought it when I was larger, and partly because this sweater is a little cropped. I'll have plenty of left over yarn to make a hat, gloves, and maybe some socks to go with it.
Anyway, I really like the design of the sweater, but I am not that impressed with the pattern itself. I am highly annoyed with the shoulders. If you follow their directions, you end up with 5 fewer stitches on the front shoulder then you have on the back, the diagonal ribs have no hope of lining up into neat chevrons at the seam, and they have you pick up different numbers of stitches on each side of the neck opening for the collar (which they have you work flat for some stupid reason). So much for my attempts to follow directions. I've been trying to work with patterns more so I will have a better idea of what my students are struggling with and so that I won't duplicate the stupider errors in my own designs. It's a noble goal, buy my god can it ever be frustrating! As far as my wool version of Hope goes, there is no hope for the rib pattern at the shoulders but I fixed the collar directions, and should be starting on the sleeves tomorrow. Yay! I really want to get this done before Thanksgiving. It's getting cold and I've only got one proper sweater that really fits right.
Scary link for the day (be sure to watch the video!): Gangsta Knitter
So, last night I fixed my 1869 corset (the bust gores needed to be taken in so that I didn't pop out the top of the corset, who would have ever thought I would be taking in the bust of anything?), re-set my Dickens skirt on a new waist-band, and did the pleated ruffle for one of the 3 bustle gowns. That underskirt is basically done, I just need to get some hem tape and then I can finish the skirt off altogether.
Tonight I am going to cut out my new Dickens bodice and the combined bodice and train for the ball gown. That should leave me in good shape for the weekend. With any luck, I'll manage to get over to joanns crap and alleged fabrics to pick up large quantities of hem tape. I really need to start making shopping lists for the fabric store. Making all of these extra trips is just a huge waste of time, and time is not something I can waste just now.
My commute project du jour is a tweedy sweater from Rowan #29 (Hope, on page 25). The original was done in a cotton yarn, but something about doing cables and ribs in cotton just seems stupid to me. Nothing like a cabled cotton sweater if you want a stretched out shapeless mess after one wash (I'm an opinionated knitter, what can I say?). Anyway, I had some angora and wool tweed-like yarn in my stash that I'd been planning on making a cabled sweater out of, and luckily I liked this design and the yarn is at the same gauge. Yay! Of course, I now have twice as much yarn as I really need, partly because I bought it when I was larger, and partly because this sweater is a little cropped. I'll have plenty of left over yarn to make a hat, gloves, and maybe some socks to go with it.
Anyway, I really like the design of the sweater, but I am not that impressed with the pattern itself. I am highly annoyed with the shoulders. If you follow their directions, you end up with 5 fewer stitches on the front shoulder then you have on the back, the diagonal ribs have no hope of lining up into neat chevrons at the seam, and they have you pick up different numbers of stitches on each side of the neck opening for the collar (which they have you work flat for some stupid reason). So much for my attempts to follow directions. I've been trying to work with patterns more so I will have a better idea of what my students are struggling with and so that I won't duplicate the stupider errors in my own designs. It's a noble goal, buy my god can it ever be frustrating! As far as my wool version of Hope goes, there is no hope for the rib pattern at the shoulders but I fixed the collar directions, and should be starting on the sleeves tomorrow. Yay! I really want to get this done before Thanksgiving. It's getting cold and I've only got one proper sweater that really fits right.
Scary link for the day (be sure to watch the video!): Gangsta Knitter
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
One of Four
The first of my four winter dress projects is done! This will be worn to the GBACG's Buccaneers Tea at which I will be playing Nan. This is one of my favorite books, and Nan is probably my favorite of Edith Wharton's heroines, so I'm very excited about this.
I now have to really focus and get through two ball gowns and a reception dress for the SASS event in Las Vegas, as well as alterations for mt Dickens Fair costume. We can't have Mrs. Gaskell running around in a dress 3 sizes too big. At least I have the corset finished. It's an Ageless Patterns corset from 1869, which worked up brillantly but was turned out rather large through the bust and hips. I've decided that when trying out a new corset pattern it's much easier to just make a real corset and wear it for awhile before adjusting the fit and shape. Things seems to shift around quite a bit once you are all laced in.
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Starting over...
So many things have changed in the last few months. I've gotten a job, found new housemates twice over, and most importantly found a direction. I have a goal, I have income, and in spite of the uncertainty about which law school I will attend and how long my contract job will last, I feel as though I am moving in the right direction. At last, I have choices! And I have found a certain level of peace with those things I cannot control.
I think I may have rediscovered an old love as well, which is a strange and lovely thing. He has appalling table manners, talks to loud, and makes questionable fashion choices, but he makes me laugh, makes me feel lovely and safe, and I think I love him. Somehow, after years of indecision and confusion, this thing finally seems to be moving towards some kind of resolution. Which is a good thing. I will be leaving soon to start law school. Whether than means leaving the state or not, I will be in no state to maintain ambiguous and confusing relationships.
In some ways I feel as though I am preparing myself to go over the top. I honestly don't know how I will come back, but I feel as though I must prepare myself for a clean and clear break. I am starting over. This is the time to tie up lose ends, resolve unanswered questions, purge myself of unnecessary attachments.
My knitting, spinning, weaving, sewing, brewing and cooking carry on. The give me a sense of stability, continuity, safety really. I know I can keep myself and those I love warm. I am in a major Weight Watchers related slump. Last time I weighted in (2 weeks ago now, very naughty), I had 14 pounds more to go. I want it gone, I just need to find my focus again. With all of the stress of the last few months, it's amazing I haven't gained everything back. Maintaining is an accomplishment. Now that I am working, I just need to focus on my goal, and allow myself to adapt to a new schedule and new environment. Easier said than done, but I know I have what I need to make it all happen.
I think I may have rediscovered an old love as well, which is a strange and lovely thing. He has appalling table manners, talks to loud, and makes questionable fashion choices, but he makes me laugh, makes me feel lovely and safe, and I think I love him. Somehow, after years of indecision and confusion, this thing finally seems to be moving towards some kind of resolution. Which is a good thing. I will be leaving soon to start law school. Whether than means leaving the state or not, I will be in no state to maintain ambiguous and confusing relationships.
In some ways I feel as though I am preparing myself to go over the top. I honestly don't know how I will come back, but I feel as though I must prepare myself for a clean and clear break. I am starting over. This is the time to tie up lose ends, resolve unanswered questions, purge myself of unnecessary attachments.
My knitting, spinning, weaving, sewing, brewing and cooking carry on. The give me a sense of stability, continuity, safety really. I know I can keep myself and those I love warm. I am in a major Weight Watchers related slump. Last time I weighted in (2 weeks ago now, very naughty), I had 14 pounds more to go. I want it gone, I just need to find my focus again. With all of the stress of the last few months, it's amazing I haven't gained everything back. Maintaining is an accomplishment. Now that I am working, I just need to focus on my goal, and allow myself to adapt to a new schedule and new environment. Easier said than done, but I know I have what I need to make it all happen.
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